If you have one crazy ex, you have one crazy ex. If you have all crazy exes, you ARE the crazy ex. But if you have no crazy exes but a bunch of relationships that didn't work out I'd want to make sure you aren't their crazy ex.
I do have a crazy ex, it's an ongoing joke my friends talk about to this day. She tried to burn my apartment down because I had a birthday card from my sister. She peed in a solo cup and left it on my floor. She broke all the mirrors in my apartment because I didn't tell her she was pretty that day. Oh, she also threatened me with a firearm because I didn't chase her into the next room to make her feel better after an argument.
I'd say those quantify her as pretty loose in the head. Her parents were great though, we even did stuff without her because they knew how difficult she could be.
Not that you said people can't have crazy ex's, but for real, some people are just a tad unhinged. My other relationships were all fine and handled pretty well all in all.
It's a much bigger red flag if they hate everyone they've ever broken up with. That's just childish. So your shit didn't work out? Shake hands and walk along. They still have the good traits that made you consider them in the first place.
It's a much bigger red flag if they hate everyone they've ever broken up with.
"And what's the common thread here?"
I find it very promising when someone I date, when they reflect on a past relationship, is willing to admit the mistakes they made which led to the breakup and highlight the positive steps they've taken to rectify those shortcomings to become a better person and not cause future partners the same hurt. Very sexy, that.
That's what polamory is for! I would hate to miss out on an emotionally meaningful relationship just because pp goes hard to often or pp not go hard often enough.
Never tried myself, but I've two sets of pals that are in poly relationships. The best advice they gave my curious mind on the topic is "If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no." I'm still curious about trying some time, but it's certainly not a "hell yes" for me.
A very common phrase is polyam circles. I'd recommend reading literature by and for polyamorous people if you still find yourself curious, but hesitant. Thorntree Press has a good selection of books to choose from. Also, seek out polyamory groups in your area. There are FB polyamory groups in just about every major city that usually aren't too hard to search for, and those groups will often have a monthly munch which would afford you the opportunity to ask questions of a variety of people who live that relationship style.
I'm fairly certain she didn't lose the ability to laugh. I don't think that's entirely possible. Either you weren't as funny as you think or she was awkward and nervous and that suppressed her real laughter. Or, hang on, there's a third option which is she's rotted her brain by being terminally online to the point where real experiences lose their meaning. Actually now that I think about it, that's probably what you're getting at here.
Fuck, wait a minute, am I losing my touch with reality and human connections?
My home theater. I love movies and if someone said I couldn’t have it hooked up to the main TV I’d walk. I’d rather date someone who either enjoys it or at least it’s neutral on having there.
Also I don’t care if they have a garden. But it will be classified as a hobby, not as yard work or house work when they work in it. Because I’ll never work in one.
If it's something you want and your partner doesn't care one way or the other about, it shouldn't factor in.
If you want to make the candles you use around the house, maybe they smell nice, maybe they get used, maybe they're cheaper than store-bought, but that's a hobby.
If you do a bunch of baking, especially for people outside the home but even inside it, and your partner isn't all about you cooking, that's a hobby, and you clean up your own mess. That's not chores (unless you're getting paid).
Chores are necessities to keep the communal house going, not anything that takes effort.
I agree with the basic maintenance thing being a chore, but I understand where OP is coming from. So if one person out of the pair decides with previous warning that they want to plant a bunch of stuff then it's their responsability to take care of them.
In my situation for example, I live with my partner in an apartment, and the vases are his to maintain and take care of. We've talked about where we would live next and my parter wants a yard and I don't. So I've forewarned him that if we have a yard in a future house it belongs to him, and any decisions to move to a house with a yard come with that agreement.
This is all very different situation to living in a house with a yard already, or not having the choice when moving for some reason.
I don't expect help in the garden on an everyday basis, no way. I do what I want with it, don't take requests, so it's mine and my responsibility. But since everyone gets food out of it, they do help occasionally with bigger things; carrying dirt from front driveway to garden, building planters.
Home theater, who cares? Wouldn't everyone put that on the biggest TV? We have only one TV but if there were two of course the bigger one would make the most sense.
Oh, on that - TV in the bedroom is a no for me, too. Doesn't matter for casual, but if I am living somewhere I never want a TV in the bedroom. Music speaker yes, that's fine. TV no way. Thankfully we've had space outside of bedroom for gaming and TV and computer, that is very important to me.
Music is incredibly important to me, and the music tastes of me and my girlfriend could not be much more incompatible. We have a great relationship though, it can be a strength: we challenge each other to broaden our horizons.
But it does lead to suboptimal car rides haha
Guys, I don't necessarily agree with what OP said (I didn't downvote him, though), but why are you downvoting him for freaking answering the question?!! The question says "a trivial thing," (not "a reasonable thing") and OP answered with a trivial thing. Vote accordingly.
This is like downvoting unpopular opinions in a thread about unpopular opinions.
Okay, but also, who cares about internet votes? I never vote and I never look at my votes. I don't understand why people care about this or why it's even a feature. It doesn't work, people are clearly stupid about it, why does it exist.
I usually gauge internet votes with relevant content. I don't take them too seriously, though. For more technical questions, it can help.
But of course there's the occasional hivemind that is irritating - like if someone is asking for help when grieving a lost one, the most upvoted comment is some dark joke meme.
They're probably being downvoted for making a huge leap just from wearing pointy highheels lol. They turned a trivial reason into a non-trivial characterization/flaw about a person.
I don't know, man. If you dismiss someone for anything trivial, chances are you are judging their whole character to the point of not even dating them.
Here's a highly upvoted comment:
No passions or hobbies.
No, traveling isn’t a hobby.
It's really not too different from the high heels one.
Eyebrows keep the sweat out of your eyes during sports. I want to live an active outdoor life with my partner, if she shaved her brows off chances are she isn't into that.
But only that? A lot of guys are so nostalgic about music they do not listen to new stuff, taste never grows or evolves at all, that is a bad sign to me.
Not saying abandon old music. Just open minded to new things, not stuck.
Must say I have a hard time getting to know new music in this so rapidly changing music world.
I was used to brick and mortar stores and friends having wildly different tastes in music, nowadays I think it's complicated to just duck under the load of influence for commercial music (and other too I guess).
How am I even supposed to find new music I like, and that I can support, without enormous efforts?
Well I miss Google Play Music so much, it was creepy how well that algorithm worked, and it could find me very local concerts. But streaming in general and we have a good community radio station here, that's how I find so much new stuff. What old music do you like? Maybe we should start a Lemmy community to recommend bands, based on bands people like?
I will say on the picky eating habit, that can be a common behavior seen in autistic folks. With me my picky eating stems from texture - if a food feels weird in my mouth I get nasty gag reflex or vomit. Doesn't matter how often I try, there's foods and ingredients that, if I chew on it, I will vomit. It fucking sucks. I have to swallow my edibles whole with water cause most gummies make me vomit if I chew them.
Obviously not all picky eating habits are autism related, but myself and the other autistic picky eaters I know are just as frustrated, if not more, about having those habits.
Being stuck on music though, that I can understand. Even with me having my comfort zones, it's always an occasion worth celebrating when I find an artist or album that absolutely SLAPS me silly from how rad it is.
ADHD here, big texture issues too, I still won't eat nuts or beans, due to similar reasons (they flake apart in my mouth and I hate the feeling), I have gotten better though, I'll eat peppers and a lot of vegetables I hated as a kid.
As a kid, I wasn't a picky eater, but I wouldn't eat asparagus. Eventually I started eating it. One of the few common American foods I turned my nose up at? Chef Boyardee and similar canned soup noodles. To me, they were always overcooked pasta in a bland, overly salty, homogeneous tomato liquid. I love soup, but screw that.
This makes sense but would be such a mismatch with me. Also I think kids who do not get early exposure to flavors and textures can also develop into picky adults. It's not a judgement exactly, but a hard no nonetheless.
I am opposite and enjoy novel textures and smells and flavors, enjoy cooking and eating (and cocktails!). It's nice to share that with people. Obviously nobody likes EVERYTHING, I sure don't, but just having that open mind about flavors is important to me.
Music, same - I just enjoy it so much, finding new songs, going to concerts. It's not that I don't like old - we went to see Foo Fighters, lol, and just recently Thievery Corporation, but the list of what I like has expanded so much since I was young till now. My husband listens most to basically dad rock but will come out to see new bands and quite often is so impressed and loves the music and performance, and he will hear stuff me or the kids are playing, ask about it and add it to his playlist. His mind is not closed.
It's surprising how being stuck on music from your youth is common. While I do listen to new bands, I was reminded the other day that Futures by Jimmy Eat World is almost twenty years old.
It's just blowing money to go exist in other places. Some people do it to simply avoid boredom. I'd argue it could be a hobby if they are putting effort into learning or collecting things or something.
Traveling and just being there is not a hobby. Traveling to, for example, visit certain types of sites or museums, maybe build a collection of photos or memorabilia, could be considered a hobby.
That's a weird take on this. Which person who loves travelling then proceeds to do absolutely nothing at the destination? I mean, maybe you met people like that, but I have never in my life talked to anyone like that.
Since I said so: the post was asking what's my deal breaker when it comes to relationships and for me it's that your able to put effort, practice and perseverance into a craft, a hobby, a passion or whatever.
For me, it's "Being a Foodie". Everybody who has ever lived on the planet has been enthusiastic for food.
I've only ever met one foodie I respected as such. He ate everything, even stuff that made him gag, because of reasons only he knows. He wanted the experience or something.
Man could eat a burger and tell you where the wheat was from, how ripe the tomatoes in the ketchup where, the dashed hopes and dreams of the cow, everything. He could look at ingredients from afar or smell things that have no smell to me and tell in how many days it would be perfectly ripe. He ate mono flavored stuff (Like rice with nothing else added or olive oil), used salt like a vampire hunter to detect faint tastes, and I still think he must have some undiagnosed lifestyle thing like Synesthesia, except for taste.
He reverse engineered recipes for fun.
It was magic, and until this dude I didn't consider food to be an actual hobby. Every other foodie I've met just liked eating tasty food, which pretty much everyone does.
Don't get me wrong: You're 100 % entitled to your preferences and your definition of a hobby.
It was just unusual for me to equate a hobby with putting effort and perseverance into something. For me a hobby is something you simply do for your enjoyment in your free time on a more or less regular basis.
Being unnecessarily wasteful with food. Not even attempting to save it or tossing all away over some easily resolvable issue like "I'm not hungry right now" Throws in trash.
Yeah fuck people who are against animal abuse and actually live out their principles.
Like you could at least say "preachy vegans". This is still problematic, because it ignores that everyone is preachy about issues they understand are immoral (we're all preachy anti-racists, anti-rapists, etc.)