p5yk0t1km1r4ge ,
@p5yk0t1km1r4ge@lemmy.world avatar

"Will he kill himself? This man hates his life!"

Bluetreefrog Mod ,

Hi there. We all have ups and downs in life, but sometimes the downs can feel really down or can feel like they will never end. Take heart though, things can and do get better. If you are having thoughts about taking your own life, know that there are people who care, and are there to help you. Reach out to someone if you need to.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide

NegativeLookBehind ,
@NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world avatar

“Which programming language will kill you the fastest? One man searches for the answer.”

Guest_User ,

Do let me know of the outcome!

Deceptichum ,
@Deceptichum@sh.itjust.works avatar

I’ve found calling HTML a programming language helps.

j4k3 ,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar
Spoiler

"The hackers chainsaw" - Forth

Old Reverse Polish Yoda can kill with one Word.

Crackhappy ,
@Crackhappy@lemmy.world avatar

Assembly.

NegativeLookBehind ,
@NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world avatar

Might I refer you to Brainfuck, or perhaps Whitespace?

BonesOfTheMoon ,

She Put 26 Years Into A Relationship In Exchange For A Mountain Of Debt, And Now He's Throwing Things At Her!

janus2 ,
@janus2@lemmy.zip avatar

How Is This Mentally Ill Single Millenial Holding Down Two Jobs and Crunching Through Debt Payments? The Answer Will Shock Most Americans!

(the answer is I am a lucky bitch whose main employer fucks up just about everything except they provide premium health insurance I can afford to pay for and pay copays for, and this has been drastically improving my life)

KISSmyOSFeddit ,

He's unemployed, autistic, spends his free time configuring Linux distros, doomscrolling and falling down Wikipedia rabbit holes. You won't believe how he met his wife!

NeoNachtwaechter ,

3 long lines of 'headline' won't get you any clicks (and no wife)

Artyom ,

Wait, but how did you meet your wife though?

I too choose this guy's wife.

KISSmyOSFeddit ,

I asked for her number in a night club, she was the bartender.

Thorny_Insight ,

Professional plumber lost his job and starts their own company - this happened next

bionicjoey ,

Man waits 3 months to see his girlfriend, you won't believe what happens next!

She was out of town for work for a couple of months, we saw each other one time since she got back. Then before we could see eachother again, she came down with COVID and I got fucking pneumonia. So we have to wait a bit before seeing each other until we're both healthy.

chemical_cutthroat ,
@chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world avatar

Man tasked with feeding his best friend's dog his last meal. You'll never believe what was on the menu!

rimu ,
@rimu@piefed.social avatar

Chaos Condo in Manila: Yowling cat, BDSM couple and Nose Job Woes Shake Up Quiet Night.

I am not kidding. Life is strange sometimes.

rimu ,
@rimu@piefed.social avatar

Also across the hall there is a phone that rings for 10 full minutes, every day.

And the aircon smells like mold.

And the windows are stuck shut.

And the bathroom smells a bit like sewer.

Sorry, got on a roll there.

Kolanaki ,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

This reads like the lyrics to a Godspeed You! Black Emperor song. Like a more depressing Dead Flag Blues.

Dran_Arcana ,

Okay, I'm hooked, I have to know the non-clickbait story

cobysev ,

Retired at 38 and living childless with his wife in the countryside... What will he do with the rest of his life? #7 may surprise you.

prettybunnys ,

WHATS #7 damnit‽

Kolanaki ,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

All I know is that it would be a headline from The Onion.

HipsterTenZero ,
@HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone avatar

Local fuckup reclaims a meager portion of his dignity using this one weird trick

lolola ,
@lolola@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Fail compilation 2024 (watch till the end 😂👌)

Rhynoplaz ,

Man goes to memorial service and learns coworker's shocking secret!

hddsx ,

Do tell

Rhynoplaz ,

My stepmom's mom died, I found out my coworker sings in her church's choir.

If you knew him, you'd be shocked too.

SurfinBird ,

This is just how the click baits turn out too

Rhynoplaz ,

Hey shitty news sites! I'm accepting bids for part time click bait writing!

shinigamiookamiryuu ,

"Virtually legless breed of alien woman hides in plain sight, sighted in Pitcairn and dumped in VT by her family after fleeing the people of NY!"

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