That is a lot of crap to go through. I think your math degree, licensure, and love of your career are really impressive and admirable. I've hated my job for years, and am finally in a 1-year transition to leave it. It takes time to get things in order, and I don't even have kids. Are there any local women in academia groups you can access for some fellowship and/or to evaluate whether the working environment is better in other nearby universities? It sounds like a better working environment would be a big boost, and might even help a bit with personal matters, like bearing your parents' under-recognition of your professional accomplishments. I know this doesn't sweeten working in a bad environment that much, but the people passing their time by judging you on superficial aspects of your life are just superficial people, perhaps desperately focused on trying maintain an appearance of having their own things in order
Thank you for understanding. From about 2017 to 2020 it became quite a living hell, since I felt forced out of my career at that point. Some people have been really understanding and supportive, but that isn’t always the case. I have been trying to return to my career, hoping things will improve, once I have a contracted position again. People like my parents will still not treat me any better because of it, though, I’m sure. I have a job interview for a contracted position with salary. That job offer is for a state in the Deep South. I’m female. I’m separated. I’m in my 30’s. I don’t know how they’ll react to me if I move there. I have hundreds of relatives in the South, but I have never even met some of them, and many of them hate democrats, I’m sure. Wish me luck, right? If you see me running to an airport in Alabama with my luggage flying open, in a hurry to high tail it out of town, you’ll know it didn’t go well!
Hey, I'm not following you - I just try to read all your shit. There's a bit to process. Plus, interesting. Plus, I don't think you can actually 'follow'....
This post reminds me of something I once heard:
I don't go to football games, because when they're in the huddle, they're talking about me.
You're externalizing everything. Your entire frame of reference for your life is other people doing things to you, or "making" you feel a certain way.
I've worked in the mental health field for a long time, and can tell you plenty of people have been through terrible trauma or live in unfortunate circumstances who are able to maintain their own independent identity and sense of self-worth, whether or not they need a bit of support in doing so.
Only you are going to be able to decide to make your life better, and that's going to start with recognizing the work you need to do to change yourself. Complaining about everyone in your life online and then complaining about everyone online online is not working for you
Why not just go to the cops instead of blowing smoke up all our asses? Anyone who truly thought a relative was a murderer wouldn’t be soliciting cadaver dogs on social media.
I have filed a report with local law enforcement. I also filed a federal tip online when the local law enforcement did not respond. I’m not lying. I’ll pay someone to bring cadaver dogs out here. I’m not blowing smoke up anyone here. I want to know why people like you immediately attack all of my posts regarding this situation, instead of saying that it should be investigated. Why not be in favor of searching for proof of an event occurring, instead of immediately denying it? If you thought the Earth was flat, and thought people who believed it was round were crazy, would you just keep denying their claims, or would you want to be provided with evidence? If you think I’m wrong, why are you so against the idea of proving that to be true? If cadaver dogs were walked around the property, and nothing caused a reaction from them, wouldn’t that be a feather in your cap? Why are you against investigating claims when it involves murders that are decades old?
I will tell you why your posts and comments tend to get downvoted but please read it as an observation on your communication as opposed to an attack on your character:
You write like a crazy person. Like the other commenter said, you sound like you're in the midst of a mental health crisis. It's like writing a post in all caps and acting confused when people tell you to calm down. It doesn't help that you're a prolific poster and all of your posts have the same frantic energy.
If the way you come across does not match your reality, perhaps reflect on your chosen writing style. It's very, very, very similar to the way people often write during a manic episode.
My comments don't sound like that and I am both mature and even-tempered. I am not telling you to not share your thoughts, I'm suggesting that if you adjust your online communication style by explaining how it comes across to a lot of people as evident by the downvotes you get when you write that way.
No one has ever told me that. No one says those things in response to posts I create about other topics, either. I only receive those comments with regard to this particular family issue. To me it comes across as, “be quiet, or we’ll frame you as crazy”.
I was in honors English courses, AP English courses, and college writing courses. No one ever complained about my style of writing. I took the SAT, GRE, and ASVAB with my current writing style. I passed all of those exams. No one complained about my writing.
I think you’re only complaining because the content makes you uncomfortable. I don’t know why it would, unless you happened to be involved in the family issue, or directly effected by it.
Of course they wouldn't complain, your writing style is appropriate for an English class or memoir. But we're chatting online, not trading papers. That is what I'm trying to get across.
You write like a person who is in the midst of a mental health crisis. You should go see a therapist and just talk for an hour or two, just to see if they might be able to help you with some of the problems on your plate.
I don’t think all cops are trash, but if someone puts another person’s puppy in a head lock and then denies it, because he knows he did something wrong, then he doesn’t deserve to be a cop. Want to be a cop? Just get fired as a security guard after working at a place that pays you to guard crates of raisins. Crates. Of. Raisins. You want to know why he was fired? Probably because he had so many arguments with his coworker who didn’t speak much English (his coworker supposedly claimed to only speak an Asian language fluently) Every story was about that guy he couldn’t stand. The guy would act like he couldn’t understand my ex and refuse to talk to him. Maybe he just didn’t want to talk to someone that does things he shouldn’t and then denies it.
Is a pretty common attitude for people who become police officers. So, they're probably not all trash, but there are enough of them like that for it to be a common sentiment.
That's a whole lot of words to say "I'm a huge racist and wish I lived in a white ethnostate".
Edit: Oh wow, you're a mod.
Hey, @orphiebaby, are you aware that this White Supremacist is a mod of your community? Take a look at her comment history, she's been going on and on today about how refugees and asylum seekers are all criminals and that she's afraid that they'll move near her...
Hell yeah! Haven't had any caffeine in 12 years. I have a pic somewhere of my dr pepper/monster/chic fila cup collection from a single semester of college (I'll try in a few hours and see if I can find the picsfound it lol all of those drawers were full btw & pic number two). Shit was kinda wild.
I did the same thing about 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with Menieres disease. The first few weeks of caffeine withdrawal were rough, but I feel so much better now.
For starters there’s more than one floor in my house, so the trade offs of punching holes in my roof are only beneficial to a small portion of the house.
The next is the overall costs. Windows that are sealed properly and insulate as well as a solid roof are fucking expensive as hell. This is a luxury feature when building a home and most of us are not making luxury money.
My last thought is control over the lighting. Again, its more costly to install motorized shading (because otherwise you need a long awkward pole or some other weird system) for when you don’t want a beam of light blinding you for various reasons. Glare on a tv is an obvious example. Maintenance on these systems is a pain in the ass compared to changing a light bulb, and these days you can just get LED lighting that lasts for years and never requires a bulb change for relatively cheap.
Actually another thought related to the shade controls is privacy. Depending on how tall neighboring buildings are you may not want the neighbors just peering in, so again you need shade controls. It’s situational, and not everyone is in a situation where this wouldn’t be a problem.
Edit: Another thought is cleaning. I’m not climbing up on the roof to clean those and it’ll look like shit after awhile if I don’t. If there’s surrounding trees dropping leaves this will be a more frequent issue
Depending on the area you might want to have triple pane windows instead, otherwise there is too much heat lost during winter.
Double or triple pane windows don't protect from the sun's heat thought, so you would need additional shielding/dimming from that, which in turn will make it darker in your building. Hence I guess it'll only work for buildings with lots of window space compared to the floor space, i.e., single family homes or other small buildings.
Not to mention cloudy days, or short days in winter, so the building would have to be fully wired for lights anyway. And dimmable for when they only need to supplement a cloudy day.
Natural light is one of those things that seem super obvious, until you spend pretty much any time actually thinking about it.
It's not a thing because it doesn't make sense to be a thing, not because no one thought of it.
Sunlight is proportional to the square of a building’s radius, but the light demand is proportional to the cube. This is assuming a relatively simple building design, of course, but that’s the basic answer. Just a matter of how the dimensionality scales as the building gets bigger.
My guess would be costs. Skylights need to be framed and installed in a way that prevents leaks for as long as possible. They need to be well insulated, so that light is maximized and heat transfer is minimized. More windows also means higher maintenance and replacement costs.
I love the idea of skylights! I have never owned a home with any though. Probably just like with everything else in a house: people seem to like it until it leaks.
I’m coming at you with the confidence of a complete internet stranger that is not in your situation, not in your shoes, and not in the same mindset as you.
I say that because I think I could do this right now at this time in my life, with how I currently feel, but I know absolutely, that I would not have had this level of confidence at certain points in my life - heck, even at many points in my life.
But here’s my completely ungrounded in your reality suggestion:
Figure out if you are going to go with another quote. If you are, then commit to yourself not to change your mind on that unless she offers a requote, but well… I’ll explain further down.
Call her up, and give her the rundown. For me, that would look like this - I’d make sure she had at least a few minutes to talk, and I’d say something like “I have a couple issues I’m currently trying to work through regarding this project, and I need your help.” I’d say that her quote came in a bit higher than others, and maybe even make a point to say that you know her work is worth it, but you don’t have the budget for it. If she offers to change her quote, I’d stop her, and say something like “I’m not opposed to that, but before we talk about that, I want to talk about my other issue.”
Next, I’d steer the conversation to the next thing you wanted to talk about. I’d tell her that my other problem is that I really have enjoyed working with her and I’d like to ask her on a date if she was interested, but I’m worried that asking her out might be problematic - I wouldn’t want her to feel beholden since you have a working relationship. I would be very, very clear - that no matter her response, you’ve already left her glowing online reviews, will continue to recommend her to your friends, and if she still wants to offer a revised quote, you won’t show it favoritism if she does go on a date with you.
It’s important that you impress on her that she doesn’t have to go on a date with you to get work. (You might want to say that.) You don’t want a power imbalance there. Heck, I’d even tell her it’s totally fine if she wants to end your personal/professional relationship as a result.
Alright. It’s done. It’s been confessed and proposed and stated. Thank you for the advice. I don’t think I would have thought to consider the things you pointed out. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go freak out a little while I wait for her to either respond or ghost me. 😊
She responded by prefacing her response with how she is usually indecisive, but then follows it up by saying in this case it was easy and that she would like to go out sometime 😃. So now I need to figure out where to take her and when to plan the date.
Thanks again everyone for the support! You all rock!
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