If I was lost, Windows. More likely to get back to civilization by finding well adjusted users. Instead of one old graybeard that hasn't seen other people for days.
Windows. It would show me the way out while blasting me with Ads.
Linux, however, would do nothing but scream about how I should use it, and how it really is the best, all while giving confusing, complicated, and unhelpful info about its numerous distros. Then, when I say that's all too much and I'm just going to go talk to Windows, it spits on me.
Either way, assuming I can find a large stick or rock, I'd have enough patience to do a manual physical uninstall and get back to my solitude. So I think I'd be pretty ambivalent.
I guess smashing the shit out of windows would be slightly more satisfying - but that's not really the main reason I'm alone in the woods.
And yes - before you ask the obvious follow-up - I have smashed the shit out of a thinkpad in the past, they're not as tough as people say they are; it's mostly false bravado. Don't be afraid to stand up to the bully (ymmv).