Does anyone else get inbox fright?

If stage fright is the fear that one has, when performing

Then inbox fright is the fear/dread I have, when it comes to getting replies or reactions, after I post...

Especially if its related to political content

You never know if you're going to pulled into a struggle session over something and sent nasty messages, overall

Birdie ,

It doesn't bother me at all. I made a comment, someone replied, there is no need at all to continue the discussion unless I want to.

Kissaki ,

What's a struggle session?

Inbox fright is an interesting term. I certainly know and can relate to what you are talking about.

It doesn't affect me too much I don't think, but I know the feeling you are talking about. And I wonder how related or intersecting to/with social anxiety it is.

Hextubewontallowme OP ,

What’s a struggle session?

Sorry, that's just another term for, uh, terminally online political flame wars...

PhobosAnomaly ,

If I've posted once in a day, and it's gone against the grain in a particularly emotive topic discussion - then yeah I can't say I've not said "oh here we fucking go" when I've seen the little badge with a number on it that's not 1, because that's usually when I've posted a YouTube link and the bot picks it up.

In fairness, 70% of it is a valid dissenting opinion to my own and I've got the opportunity to learn from someone else's view, even if I'm still not convinced.

29% of the negative comments are just fannies just picking up a point which isn't entirely clear and then interprets it in a way that's logically and factually disingenuous to prove some sort of point, and I can count on one hand in the last thirty years or so the number of times that I've rattled someone's cage to the point where they feel the need to PM me death threats or offer physical violence - by that point I've already figured out that they're either deeply hurting and it's manifesting itself in that way, or they're deeply unwell and it's well outside my skillset to help.

Lemmy overall is much more open to debate than Reddit, and the downvote button is used less of a "disagree" or "fuck you" button than it was on the latter site.

fiercekitten ,

Lemmy overall is much more open to debate than Reddit, and the downvote button is used less of a "disagree" or "fuck you" button than it was on the latter site.>

I really like seeing this here and I hope the trend sticks around. I feel like downvotes should be reserved for posts that one believes are a detriment to other users.

To OP’s question: I have experienced inbox fright, partially because of my very limited experience from posting on reddit and getting nasty replies from people, but also because I don’t like dealing with people arguing in bad faith. It’s exhausting.

Mouselemming , (edited )

What's in your anonymous inbox can't hurt you irl. If they're right, or make an argument that convinces you, you can always say so. If they're personally hurtful you can block them. Meanwhile reflect that their nasty comments say more to the rest of us about them than you.

Imagine being able to walk into a bar and block anyone obnoxious from interacting with you, wouldn't that be peaceful....

Edit to add: you're probably going to get more posted comments from people who don't experience inbox fright than from those who do. So keep in mind there's a circle of silent friends supporting you!

LinkOpensChest_wav ,
@LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

In my experience, I'm far less likely to encounter aggressive and unpleasant people in a club or a bar than I am online. I don't fear social situations, and I even speak and perform regularly in front of large groups, but I get the feeling OP has. When I find an online community where I don't get the really rabid comments in my inbox, I tend to fixate on it and post only there.

DeaLikesTrains ,

I had this when I was younger, too. Today, I don't mind if someone posts or messages me nasty stuff, I either ignore it completely or just block this person and move on. There is no use getting frightened because of some internet stranger who decided that today is the day to type random bullshit to someone he doesn't even know.

MacedWindow ,
@MacedWindow@lemmy.world avatar

Talking to people is why I'm here so I am the exact opposite

Mouselemming ,

Hi, I'm replying so you can have a little number by your bell. Have a great March!

MacedWindow ,
@MacedWindow@lemmy.world avatar

You too!

neidu2 ,

Me too!

Hextubewontallowme OP ,

You too as well! (just continuing the chain)

spez ,
@spez@sh.itjust.works avatar

Ding dong.

Nemo ,

Little hit of dopamine each time, amirite?

MacedWindow ,
@MacedWindow@lemmy.world avatar

Exactly!

CommunistBear ,

On here, replies and reactions make me excited. Generally speaking we're all comrades of some degree here. On a cesspool like reddit-logo I often get dread over the chuds who could potentially harass me

shinigamiookamiryuu ,

I have the unfortunate distinction of being accustomed to people's resentment towards me at this point. I am no less timid, but it's routine now. However, putting myself in another's shoes, I make clear what you fear is unlike me. There are a million ways to debate the semantics of judgment, but only characterization can stand above the rest.

LinkOpensChest_wav , (edited )
@LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I get this exact feeling, sometimes to the point where I'll block an entire community. I work a lot with people, and I speak regularly in front of large groups, but I've never experienced the kind of aggressive comments in real life that I do online. It gets exhausting. And I know that I can block people, but it's also hard to distinguish between people who are just having a bad day vs. someone who's an exhausting troll or debatebro. I usually can't tell the difference until after the struggle session, when I'm exhausted from arguing against ... usually against points I didn't even make lol

Edit: Just saw someone on a .world community who is repeatedly misgendering a trans person. I totally think "inbox fright" is valid, and the people who think it can just be ignored are not the ones who are in marginalized groups who are frequently targeted by hate. Even a good ally will get inbox fright, because these users will turn on you too, if you call them out for their bigotry.

Aquilae ,
@Aquilae@hexbear.net avatar

I kinda felt this way when I used reddit.

Less so on Lemmy, and pretty much never on Hexbear.

Brkdncr ,

Only when there are suddenly a lot of unread messages.

What did I say?

superduperenigma ,

Oh no. I must have posted something that was t o o s p i c y

The_Picard_Maneuver ,
@The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world avatar

It's important to remember that you don't owe it to anyone to engage in a comment fight. If someone decides to be grouchy and try to pull you into an argument, you can just ignore it and move on with your day.

I post a lot of memes across Lemmy, and you'd be surprised (or maybe not) how often someone goes out of their way to be upset and attempt to bait me or others into arguing with them. I think some people just enjoy being mad, but I'm not one of them, so I've decided that it's not worth the mental energy to engage with that.

exocrinous ,

I don't think it's that people like being mad. I think it's that they just care about things and think they're important. It's very nice to be able to be carefree, but a lot of people place things like honour or duty or morality above their own happiness at times.

lightnsfw ,

honour or duty or morality

Replying to posts online shouldn't be sufficient to fulfill those things for you anyway. Go outside and be useful if that's so what you find fulfilling. It's highly unlikely you'll change anyone's mind on social media. People use it to have their biases reinforced.

synae ,
@synae@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Leaning into the "ThePicardManuever is half of lemmy" meme, it would be terrible if you (or anyone!) were cowed by downvotes

The_Picard_Maneuver ,
@The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world avatar

https://64.media.tumblr.com/0937d4ea84dbc1c1ad963bffb394f089/tumblr_oj6hxiTVYD1tsie6fo1_500.gif

Nemo ,

Only in my email inbox, and it's not so much "fright" as "anxiety".

Not on discussion fora like lemmy and reddit, the stakes are much lower.

eezeebee ,
@eezeebee@lemmy.ca avatar

Yes- less from my lemmy inbox and more from my irl inboxes, though. Because no news is good news.

gnate ,

For me, it's usually getting a little too real on FB. but also, rarely as bad as I think reactions might be.

sbv ,

Yes. When I've just been shitposting, I look forward to responses. If I've made a few serious comments, I dread that I've angered the hivemind.

I know that it makes no sense. But I've been honest, and there's some part of me that's afraid of negative feedback.

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