Seinfeld slams woke student audiences: “Back when I dated high school girls, they found me hilarious!” ( www.thebeaverton.com )
HOLLYWOOD – With his Netflix comedy film Unfrosted debuting to abysmal reviews, 70-year-old comedian Jerry Seinfeld blames the failure on “extreme left, and PC college campus audiences”, unlike in his heyday, when the teenage girls he dated were fans of his comedy.
Advisors Assure Biden This Will Blow Over Once All Gazans Dead ( www.theonion.com )
‘Bluey’ Praised For Tackling Difficult Subject Of Walking In On Parents During Their Scheduled Weekly Sex ( www.theonion.com )
“We watch Bluey every week as a family, and I tell you, when Bandit sat Bluey down to explain to her that what she saw was just him and Mum doing something the therapist made them promise they’d do every Sunday night at precisely 7:30 p.m., I teared up,”
Local woman convinced that misogyny is no longer a problem thanks to man shouting "Not All Men" every time she talks ( chaser.com.au )
Taylor Swift Begins Day By Playing Video Reminding Travis Kelce Who She Is, How Long They’ve Dated ( www.theonion.com )
Boeing Swears They Just Only Hire Suicidal People ( thehardtimes.net )
‘Sorry I’m Late—These Protesters Were A Nightmare,’ Says Blood-Splattered, Riot-Gear-Clad Biden Entering Press Conference ( www.theonion.com )
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Abuse shelter relocates to a coal mine in hopes of getting government funding ( chaser.com.au )
Tesla Lays Off Entire Team Behind Brakes ( www.theonion.com )
AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we continue to rightsize the Tesla workforce, we have come to the decision that stopping the car is no longer a critical...
Trump Boys Bake Dad Cake With Gavel Hidden Inside ( www.theonion.com )
Columbia University Gives Students Option To Finish Classes From Prison ( www.theonion.com )
NEW YORK—Emphasizing that it was their only option amid the rampant protests that had erupted on campus, Columbia University announced Monday that it had given students the option to finish classes from prison....
Cop Practices For Long Day of Busting Protests By Beating Teenage Children at Home ( thehardtimes.net )
Kristi Noem Saves Face by Claiming Dog She Shot Was Infected with Woke Mind Virus ( thehardtimes.net )
Audi and BMW in desperate battle to release most arrogant autonomous vehicle ( newsthump.com )
Landlord Forced To Raise Rent Due To Thinking Of Bigger Number ( www.theonion.com )
American 18-year-olds stoked to vote in last presidential election ( www.thebeaverton.com )
FRESNO, CA – Across the United States young people who will turn eighteen by November 5 are expressing their excitement at being able to vote in the last presidential election of their lifetimes....
J.K. Rowling Explains Goblin Rebellions Were About States’ Rights ( hard-drive.net )
Why me arbitrarily giving verification to notable Twitter users is good, but the last regime arbitrarily giving verification to notable Twitter users was bad, by Elon Musk ( newsthump.com )
Joe Rogan Experience Podcast Features First Child Guest Alec Jones ( lemmy.world )
The ever-unpredictable Joe Rogan Experience shattered another mold this week, welcoming its youngest guest ever: 9-year-old Alec Jones, a fourth grader from Austin, Texas. The episode, which aired yesterday, left audiences both amused and bewildered as Rogan delved into topics including ancient archeology, memories of the Comedy...
Cop Beating the Crap Out of College Student Looking Forward to Two Weeks Paid Vacation ( thehardtimes.net )
New York - Local cop Thomas Hannon admitted that he’s excited about his upcoming paid leave of absence once he is disciplined for brutalizing a peaceful protester at Columbia University...
The Onion boutta do whatever tf it wants ( lemmy.world )
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