Morning everyone. Four day weeks are such a good thing, and I wish more people had the ability to do them (where appropriate and desirable).
Unfortunately, some things have given me the 'despair at my life having been taken away' feelings, so I'm not doing well right now. I shan't wang on about them here again because it's the same story as many times before.
Also, I had a dream about my Dad being an alcoholic, which is weird, because Dad drank very sparingly and I never saw him even slightly tipsy. Dreams, eh? Odd things.
@RolloTreadway there is rarely anything better than trees. i'm hoping to get to the woody little river place sooooon ...
i hope you're feeling ok-ish? 🌳
i'm exhausted. i had to lie down earlier. but i'm vaguely upright again now ... going to eat and then try to get a bit of work done. we shall see. i'm kind of zombie atm after the early morning and the blood draw, but i'm taking that as positive bc at least i'm too empty to think much.
@RolloTreadway the noise of it going into the multiple tubes was horrible :blobcatconfounded: but yes i think i've still got a bit!
food is i think chicken and mash ... i eat meat next to never and never more than bird, but we decided it was probably wise today, given the state of me. (i'm supposed to eat meat more, according to doctors™, but i just ... can't.)
are you eating ok? always important whether you have blood or not!
@moonrabbit Right now, my eating is okay, but I'm getting increasingly anxious about figuring out what I can eat. Trying to manage it but it's not easy.
I did make a curry for lunch, though. Paneer and peas with a sauce made from yoghurt, onion, chilli, garlic, ginger, mint (fresh from the garden), garam masala, turmeric, and lots of coriander.
when you say figuring out: is it an allergy / intolerance thing? if so and you ever need to talk it through w/ someone, please feel free. i have so many allergies argh!
or do you mean like what to eat each meal? that is also quite tricky. but you seem to have done superbly well at lunch time.
@moonrabbit It's not an intolerance thing; I'm quite lucky, there are very few foods I have a major problem with and they're easily avoidable.
It's a combination of executive dysfunction and anxiety. I can find it very difficult to decide to have a meal and then make one; what tends to happen when things are getting bad is that the number of dishes that I feel able to make shrinks and shrinks, and then eventually I stop eating meals altogether (although I pick at biscuits and other unhealthy things instead so it's also bad in that respect).
I get anxious about eating the appropriate things, following rules that I don't fully understand, trying to be healthy, trying not to spend too much. I worry about whether I have the spoons to make anything. If I plan to eat something and realise I don't have enough energy to make it, I get into a bit of a panic. And I get very anxious trying to figure all this out in advance (because, like quite a lot of autistic people, I really can't be spontaneous).
This is why I eat so many sandwiches. If I always have bread and always have ingredients in the kitchen, then I can always make myself something if I'm not able to properly consider cooking. Sandwiches are a lifesaver.
But still, I can't only eat sandwiches. And I've noticed that my freezer and fridge are getting pretty empty, and I need to buy a lot of things, and I don't know what to buy and I don't know what I'll want to eat or be able to eat, and I've been getting very anxious. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. Which is worrying.
(I think I've always been like this to an extent - or, at least, since I've been an adult and responsible for feeding myself - but it seems to have got a lot worse since Dad got sick. Dad loved food, was very enthusiastic about cooking and eating, but towards the end of his life he wasn't able to eat - he died of MND - and him being told by the nurses at hospital that he wasn't allowed to eat food any more, he had to be fed directly into the stomach, that was a devastating thing for him and also I guess for me, I was there with him at the time.)
@RolloTreadway i'm sorry, that's so hard. i think so many of us have food issues in one way or another, allergies aside.
and i'm very sorry about your dad too :blobcatverysad:
i know someone who uses hello fresh, which definitely takes some of the stress away, but it's also not cheap, so not an option for most people.
but sandwiches are infinitely better than nothing or biscuits!
re the buying stuff, ugh that's tricky. are there any staples that you know you'll need, and then you could maybe just kind of fill in the rest based on how you feel? can you get deliveries? maybe a few smaller ones would be better than having to do it all at once?
(i'm sorry, the useless help of a stranger is maybe not welcome. but it might spark an idea?)
i hope you can find a way forward that keeps the anxious at bay and doesn't use too many spoons.
@moonrabbit Thank you. Something like Hello Fresh is definitely out of the question, but I do sometimes get supermarket deliveries, and I've been toying with whether I should this time. I don't particularly want to, but if I figure out exactly what I want in advance maybe I will.
Although I worry that the delivery person will make fun of me if I order lots of the same thing. Before I had oral surgery last year, I quite reasonably ordered a load of ice cream, and the driver was mocking and I felt rubbish.