TubularTittyFrog

@TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world

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TubularTittyFrog ,

You have to active look and have fun.

Men who don't actively look don't get anything. It's part of the gender role stuff we're all subject to. Men are expected to approach and initiate.

TubularTittyFrog ,

what good is empathy when there is moral outrage and shaming to indulge in?

we all know men aren't people. only women are people.

TubularTittyFrog ,

If you were a person you'd be allowed to be upset. But you're a man, men aren't people. They don't have feelings, only women do.

TubularTittyFrog ,

Strangers are more statistically safe.

Also, most folks are horrible judges of character and intention. Scumbags are usually the most charming, outgoing, and well-liked people, and yet most people think the awkward weirdo in the corner bothering nobody is the 'threat'.

TubularTittyFrog ,

and plenty of women who think they are 'the good ones' are an abusive psycho. and men have no way of knowing until they are abused by her.

TubularTittyFrog ,

women aren't a minority.

TubularTittyFrog ,

and it's entirely justified for a devout religious person to avoid sin.

and i will think they are an asshole if they go around telling me how sinful and awful i am for not believing what they believe.

TubularTittyFrog ,

IME the women who do this are the one who are the predators.

so yeah, if a unhinged lady goes off on me how i'm a huge threat to her, i do fuck off, because she's probably a psycho. normal, well adjusting folks don't go off on random strangers minding their own business.

I hike all the time. Nobody says more than a polite hi, or a wave or nod. men and women, solo, or in groups.

TubularTittyFrog , (edited )

Because his 'theories' are easy to understand for the layperson, and have become tropes in our narrative culture. Most people's understanding of freud is simple 'blame your parents for your problems.'

You do see a lot of Jung as well, but Jung's work is more abstract and out there and is often used symbolically, whereas Frued's is used literally and in sitcoms.

TubularTittyFrog ,

Progress is well and alive for people in the top 10%. Lots of people I know are thriving, but they come from money and are making six figure salaries at 25.

But for the bottom 90%, we're all fucked. As much progressive as I've made in my 15 working years, I'm not really any better than I was at 22 when i got my first job.

TubularTittyFrog , (edited )

also why the bulk of those students in those subjects come almost exclusively from wealthy families....

TubularTittyFrog , (edited )

yeah i was in grad school 10 years ago. I made about $1000/mo, and my rent was about 900. After food and other necessities, I was losing about 300-400 a month.

If i was in school today, I'm confident I'd be making 1200/mo and my rent would be about $2000.

TubularTittyFrog ,

excellent advice, if you never leave your home.

Do you practice self care?

Hello. Let's talk about self-care. Who practices self-care regularly? I've been making an absolute effort to practice self-care, and it's definitely improving my mood. I floss, meditate, do qigong, breathwork, etc. Yes, flossing is self-care, take care of yo teefs. What does everyone do for self-care? Bonus question: Where else...

TubularTittyFrog ,

I enjoy my life.

I refuse to use the BS marketing language of 'self-care' which covers everything from brushing my teeth and wiping my butt to a once in a lifetime two month trip to India. Self care is a horrid concept and the only people I know who use it are your typical narcissistic twits who think they are the center of the universe and everything that slightly upsets their egocentric worldviews as 'toxic'.

TubularTittyFrog ,

We used to call this being an average functional adult.

TubularTittyFrog ,

Is screaming racist and sexist remarks at strangers self care?

It helps my mood!

TubularTittyFrog ,

most of the usa infrastructure, physical, intellectual, etc was built as a product of the cold war.

and we started viciously neglecting it in the 1980s, as the end of that war was becoming obvious

TubularTittyFrog ,

I was a grad student, i saw the writing on the wall and left.

I'd be working 80-100 hr weeks, for about 50-75K, unless I became a superstar academic. And then? Maybe I make 120K. that was going to be my entire life, stuck at a cheap salary, working like a dog, no time for a family or a life or anything else.

I work in IT networking now, I make 120k/yr and do maybe 20-30 hours of a work a week.

TubularTittyFrog ,

as someone who went to a small lib arts school, and then to a R1 university for my grad degree... this is exactly the truth.

I was actively told multiple times how students didn't matter, to stop caring, to stop prepping for teaching classes, and to just focus on applying for grants and polishing my research.

TubularTittyFrog ,

I'm the only person I know in my 30s who has a decent retirement account. Most have nothing, a few have some, and there are a bunch who are banking on parental real estate to do it for them.

TubularTittyFrog ,

I lived like a pauper from 18-33 trying to give myself a good financial baseline.

Most of my peers just made fun of me for being 'cheap' and saying no to expensive vacations, fancy cars, and living by myself.

Now I'm living by myself and comfortable and I can afford some luxuries, they are 'struggling' and all i hear is that it's 'because of your white male privilege'. F them. They grew up being greedy pigs and now they are paying the consequences and I'm living well.

TubularTittyFrog ,

Very few highly educated folks are poor, in fact, majority come from money.

"More than three-quarters of medical students came from families in the top two quintiles of family income"

https://www.aamc.org/media/9596/download

I am from a family in the 3rd quartile, nobody ever said I could grow up to be a Doctor. Most told me to 'go to state school and get a shitty office job and be happy with it'. In my college all the kids studying to be med students were driving used BMWs/Mercedes and paying several grand extra a year for parking, new dorms, and the like.

TubularTittyFrog ,

depends on how wealthy their parents were.

TubularTittyFrog ,

that's what tolerance is. not tolerating them is being intolerant, and self-defeating ultimately.

sorry, should we go an extirpate the Amish because they don't accept lgbt+ people in their community? or another community that disagrees with lgbt identities? are we going to bomb the middle east in the name of trans rights? those are utter ridiculous ideas, so is the idea of being 'stamping out intolerance'. all that tells me is you think others should conform to your beliefs or be removed.

no, we're not. because that's insane. we tolerate the intolerate all the time. just like you don't scream at your annoying co-worker who bores you to tears about sports or wahtever shit they try to chat you up about.

TubularTittyFrog ,

no, it's basic survival instinct.

if i eat the purple berries and they make me puke, i'm not going to eat them again. am i now bigoted against purple berries? or should i just keep eating them and getting sick and doing it over and over again?

just like if i have a shitty meal at a restaurant, i won't go back to that place, or that chain if it's a chain. etc etc.

TubularTittyFrog ,

this was in Jamaica Plain at Espresso Love last new years day.

And yes, everyone who i ever tell this too denies it happened to me. because I'm a big strong white guy... so nothing bad can ever happen to me. I'm clearly a bigoted POS and if i didn't put it on tiktok it doesn't exist.

I'd rather just not deal with violence and crazy people whose insecurity is so rampant they need to assault others to feel powerful. I will just mind my peace and go to places not full of angry people who scream at being for getting coffee.

TubularTittyFrog ,

You'd hope that.

But in my experience it's a 50/50 chance they will go off on you.

TubularTittyFrog ,

lots of people are being harassed and intimidated into it though. lots of people take an absolutist stance on pronouns, and if you misgender someone or don't ask them what their pronoun is, you are considered a 'bad person'.

labeling and harassing people into social conformity is being forced to do something.

TubularTittyFrog ,

I know, they are an asshole. Just like many cops are assholes.

But give the propensity of assholes in the group, the safest course of action is to just avoid them entirely. I also have no interest in interact with police, and yet I bet nobody would call me a bigot for saying that...

TubularTittyFrog ,

and most decent transfolks don't give a shit about prounouns. they just want to be left alone and stop being made into child raping monsters by politicans looking to scare up the voter base.

TubularTittyFrog ,

I have, many times. Don't know where you live... oftentimes it's not ever the trans person getting mad... it's a straight cis person with a hero complex goes around as a self appointed pronoun police officer and calls you names if you even ask them wtf the deal is.

TubularTittyFrog ,

sadly where I live lots of queers/trans are of the tiktok variety. a lot of them are trust fund types who aspire to be influences and have vanity jobs and want to lecture you on how they are an artist or something. they get really pissed off if you call them 'they' for some reason.

TubularTittyFrog ,

I didn't until 2022 or so. I have been repeatedly assaulted the past few years, verbally and i have been physically assaulted by them. Some of them spread rumors about me. I'm done with them now. They treated me wrongly, and now I don't care about being friendly and welcoming to them anymore, justifiably.

Keep moral grand standing all you want. If a group of people repeatedly harassed you I don't you'd be so high minded about it. You're arguing genetics, I'm protecting myself from mentally unwell people who have arbitrarily decided I'm the enemy because they are on tiktok too much and believe their violence is 100% justified as long as it's towards people who look are cishet and white.

Truth is i'm not even what they think I am. I'm gender fluid, but I just look like a cis-hit white guy, so they go apeshit on me.

TubularTittyFrog ,

I'd like people to stop screaming at me for misgendering them when I meant no ill-will. Just like I don't scream at people when they ask me if I'm Italian or when they mispronounce my surname.

God forbid we don't get pissed off at people for making mistakes, especially strangers.

TubularTittyFrog ,

and some subsets of the population are disproportionately filled with jerks.

TubularTittyFrog ,

And yet, in both cases, there is a significant subset of people who don't see it that way. They see it as your personal fault/failure as a human being from not knowing the right pronoun, or that the software crashing is your fault.

TubularTittyFrog ,

Nah, unlike you I'm capable of realize that trans people are people. Which means they are just as shitty as any other person.

TubularTittyFrog ,

Cool. I've been acquainted with dozens of trans people and known a dozen on a regular social basis and a few quite well...

turns out they are just like... people. some of them are cool... but a good chunk of them are selfish jerks just like any group of people.

for some reason people want to lionize trans people as they suffering saints... and anyone who criticisms trans folks is clearly a hateful bigot... which also tells me they know nothing about trans people and put them on a podium. the brush i paint trans people with is broad.... because they are people. they aren't some other subspecies of human beings with superior moral worth, empathy and insight. some of them are really great, most of them are not so great, and a bunch of them are awful humans who delight in antisocial behaviour. have you ever hung out in trans internet forums? they are full of awful hateful and bigoted shit... often direct at other trans folks, and incessant gatekeeping about who or what is really 'trans'. it's disgusting.

and being trans is a choice. just like me presenting a a cis het man is a choice. just like i wanted to dress up in a woman's outfit an go out tonight.. that would be a choice. just like the trans folks who go around policing other people's pronouns, fashion choices, and their gender worthiness choose to do that.

but of course don't let the complexities of the human condition and identity get in the way of a good 'hurrr durr well yer a bigot and i am a good purrrson for saying so' internet self-righteous indignation.

TubularTittyFrog ,

ok. lets just round up all the intolerant people and re-educate them until they are tolerant like we are.

because it's totally cool fo us tolerant people to be fascists, as long as we are eliminating fascism!

‘The science isn’t there’: do dating apps really help us find our soulmate? ( www.theguardian.com )

A class-action lawsuit filed in a US federal court last Valentine’s Day accuses Match Group – the owners of Tinder, Hinge and OkCupid dating apps, among others – of using a “predatory business model” and of doing everything in its power to keep users hooked, in flagrant opposition to Hinge’s claim that it is...

TubularTittyFrog ,

For some of us dating apps are the only way we have been able to find any dates at all.

I belong to plenty of social activities, go out regular, and take classes etc. I never ever meet anyone interested in me while doing these things, mostly because the pool of single women in these things is very very few. It's mostly older folks, men, and couples. For example I went to a cycling even this past weekend. There were 4 women, and 400 men.

Dating apps have provided me the vast majority of my romantic opportunities. for a lot of us 'real life' simply doesn't offer us any chance to meet anyone we'd be interested in. And I'd rather have that opportunity (even if it doesn't lead to LTR and marriage) than not have it at all.

TubularTittyFrog ,

The cities are already gentrified. You're about 10-20 years behind the times.

TubularTittyFrog ,

doesn't even have to be a 'wrong' question. it can be an innocuous one.

i went out with an English teacher two weeks ago, from an app. We were chatting about books. She asked me what I was reading and I her, and she went OFF on me that i'm not reading female black authors and started mocking and deriding my interest because hers were 'superior' and I was clearly a 'sexist' since I only had one white female author on my list of recently read things.

least to say the date was dead at that point. I wasn't going to ask her any more questions and be lectured/told off more. I finished my drink and left.

I've had so many interacts like this... say one 'wrong' thing, and the other person LEAPS down your throat about how awful and evil you are and how great they are. It's insanity.

TubularTittyFrog ,

No the issue is you know nothing about the other person, but make a lot of crappy assumptions based on the profile, and get butthurt when those assumptions don't come true.

TubularTittyFrog ,

men are mostly picked on looks.

women swipe right 5% of the time, compared to like 50% for men.

Men don't care that much about looks, beyond a basic threshold of average or above. And that's true for me personally, as much as it is statistically. The thing is most women think 95% of men are 'below average'.

TubularTittyFrog ,

I don't ask women questions on dating apps because they never ask me any.

It's that simple. Women who engage me... I am glad to chat with. I'm not going to have one-sided conversations with people who have no interest in me.

Just like I had a woman last year match with me on an app, who went 'hey we had a date a few years ago, i had such a good time, why didn't you ever follow up and ask me out again?'

and I said 'I did, you never replied.'

and then she blocks me. lol

lots and lots of people on these apps are totally delusional and their entire strategy is to make up fictional victimhood in their own minds... because nobody is reading their mind and not 'trying harder' as they actively reject men. the 'phenomenon' is mostly a fiction they make up in their own minds to take any responsibility in the dating process off of themselves, and put it 100% on the man.

the irony I find among couples I know... the woman in the relationship is almost always this straightforward open person who just tells her partner how she feels... instead of playing games and making up delusional situations in which she is the victim of her partner... being a normal well-adjusted person... which is the same type of crazy nonsense you see on 'wife tiktok' videos...

TubularTittyFrog ,

how to you get fit? how do you lose weight? how do you make friends? how to treat my mental illness? how do i get a better job?

you achieve shit by doing it. sitting around looking for a magical 'cheat code' to live isn't how you do it.

but on the internet and irl, people would rather whine and moan and blame someone else rather than do the hard work.

nobody is going to help you other than yourself.

TubularTittyFrog ,

they are consumer goods like any other.

you can cook a meal at home and travel locally. but few are interested in this because it is not a 'display of wealth', the way your week in Bali is or your tiktok dining blog.

TubularTittyFrog ,

they are going back down now that supply chain is stabilized.

my car has dropped $5000 in value between this year and last year.

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