Local retiree wants to be US President when he grows up ( chaser.com.au )
Apple Refuses to Respond to DOJ Lawsuit After Seeing Entire Thing Printed Inside Green Bubble ( hard-drive.net )
Blood-Covered Mark Zuckerberg Informed That Murder He Just Committed Was Not In Metaverse ( www.theonion.com )
Gov. Abbott Enlists Texas National Guard to Shoot at Wildfires ( thehardtimes.net )
$1200 Graphics Card Opens Two Extra Google Chrome Tabs ( hard-drive.net )
Families in Gaza begin work on suspicious photoshop pic in hopes to get the media worrying about their wellbeing ( chaser.com.au )
Trump Reflexively Asks Michael Cohen To Silence Michael Cohen ( www.theonion.com )
Saying racist things not racist, insist racists ( newsthump.com )
Tucker Carlson excites more controversy with sympathetic Warmaster Abaddon interview ( newsthump.com )
Mourning Family Torn Over Whether Daughter’s Murder Should Be Podcast or Netflix Series ( thehardtimes.net )
'Still Think I’m Too Old?' Says Biden Spotted Shopping at Forever 21 ( reductress.com )
link: https://reductress.com/post/still-think-im-too-old-says-biden-spotted-shopping-at-forever-21/
Depressed Taylor Swift Going To Miss Being In The Spotlight Now That Super Bowl Over ( www.theonion.com )
Liberal Conspiracy Theorists Claim Kid Rock Will Endorse Trump At Daytona 500 ( www.theonion.com )
Pope Francis Offered Three Netflix Stand-Up Specials Following Use of Gay Slur ( thehardtimes.net )
No Scan Do ( i.kinja-img.com )
read more: https://www.theonion.com/no-scan-do-1851166788
Mitch McConnell Donates Body To Lobbyists For Research ( www.theonion.com )
Kristi Noem Saves Face by Claiming Dog She Shot Was Infected with Woke Mind Virus ( thehardtimes.net )
Judge offers to let Donald Trump attend his son’s High School graduation, if he can pick him out of a line-up ( newsthump.com )
Conservative Think Tank Spends $40 Million Trying to Frame Girl Scout Cookies as Woke ( thehardtimes.net )
The 9 people that own all of Toronto’s real estate extremely upset about property tax hike ( www.thebeaverton.com )
TORONTO – Reacting to news of Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow’s plan to hike property taxes by more than 10%, the 9 or so people that collectively own all Toronto real estate expressed outrage, saying that Chow is making the city unaffordable....
Samuel Alito: ‘I Tried To Take The Flag Down, But My Wife Hit Me. She Hits Me Every Night’ ( www.theonion.com )
Dying Man Confesses Juggalos Are a Myth He Invented to Fuck With Vice ( thehardtimes.net )
Florida Students Given Lifelike Dolls To Simulate Responsibility Of Owning Slave ( www.theonion.com )
Removed Notre Dame Scaffolding Reveals Construction Crew Accidentally Built Mosque ( www.theonion.com )
Ron DeSantis Going Door To Door To Beg Own Campaign Staff To Vote For Him ( www.theonion.com )
