18+ alice , (edited )
@alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

My kid and I have a running head-canon that cats are actually higher-dimensional slug monstrosities that our human brains can't fully comprehend.

The "cats" we know and love are actually an anglerfish-like protrusion that pokes through into our lower-dimensional spacetime.

The saliva they coat themselves in contains a mild hallucinogen which produces a calming effect that helps mask their true natures, so they can lure humans closer to feed off the kinetic energy of headpats.

DoctorDisco ,
@DoctorDisco@mendeddrum.org avatar

@alice well.. she may be an eldritch horror formed out of a twisted knot of the deep dark void between the dimensions..
But she loves my lap so I'm happy to feed the beast :)

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Jellybean L'ndon wgah'nagl fhtagn !! ;)

DrSuzanne ,
@DrSuzanne@ohai.social avatar

@alice this tracks.

18+ Riduidel ,
@Riduidel@framapiaf.org avatar

@alice Can't be anything else than truth. There are billions of proofs this is the truth.

themitchcohen ,
@themitchcohen@mstdn.social avatar
glitzersachen ,

@alice

Now everything starts to make sense....

@darkuncle

_ohcoco_ ,
@_ohcoco_@mastodon.social avatar

@alice ha wow... that is quite the elaborate cat tale :o)

gnate ,
@gnate@ohai.social avatar

@alice If nothing else, I feel like you're right about the mild hallucinogen.

andrewfeeney ,
@andrewfeeney@phpc.social avatar

@alice That’s a compelling theory.

ferrix ,
@ferrix@mastodon.online avatar

@alice @wendynather hey it's still a pretty good deal

bobhy ,
@bobhy@wehavecookies.social avatar

@alice a very well elaborated hypothesis, but a "just so" story until you attempt to falsify it.

alice OP ,
@alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

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  • Millhouse ,
    @Millhouse@glasgow.social avatar
    alice OP ,
    @alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

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  • Millhouse ,
    @Millhouse@glasgow.social avatar

    @alice 👍 😜

    tom ,
    @tom@swiss.social avatar
    denvek ,
    @denvek@mastodon.me.uk avatar

    @alice Are there multiple higher-dimensional entities or are all cats different protrusions of the same being?

    denvek ,
    @denvek@mastodon.me.uk avatar

    @alice “Orz are not many bubbles. Orz is one with *many fingers *.” for the one person out there who might understand that reference

    adamrice ,
    @adamrice@c.im avatar

    @alice Also: toxoplasmosis.

    ducksauz ,
    @ducksauz@snug.town avatar

    @alice That's simultaneously cool as hell and terrifying.

    alice OP ,
    @alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

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  • ducksauz ,
    @ducksauz@snug.town avatar

    @alice Oh yeah. Totally could be a thing, especially because cats.

    You and your kid are having a great time. Thanks for being a good parent and encouraging creative thought in them.

    ParadeGrotesque ,
    @ParadeGrotesque@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

    @alice

    Hello, Kitty...

    alice OP ,
    @alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

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  • ParadeGrotesque ,
    @ParadeGrotesque@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

    @alice

    If the cat wants treats, the cat gets treats. Sounds like the right strategy.

    Dogs tried to warn us, but did we listen to them? Nooooooo...

    BlippyTheWonderSlug ,
    @BlippyTheWonderSlug@ieji.de avatar

    @alice
    😜 I feel seen!
    dangles more kittys to distract

    cstross ,
    @cstross@wandering.shop avatar

    @alice My head-canon is that cats are basically skin goblins wearing fur coats. Except the sphynx cats, who are naturists. (Gollums with a glamour consultant!)

    vandorb12 ,
    @vandorb12@infosec.exchange avatar

    @alice so that's why they say orange cats share a brain cell...

    alice OP ,
    @alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

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  • alexadeswift ,
    @alexadeswift@lgbtqia.space avatar

    @alice Hammer Horror is the best

    alice OP ,
    @alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

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  • alexadeswift ,
    @alexadeswift@lgbtqia.space avatar

    @alice yes, and it is still going. It was resurrected some years back, and I think returned to Bray, bringing Bray Studios back from the brink so to speak!

    dunny0 ,
    @dunny0@kind.social avatar

    @alice a pitch perfect description of the internet in general

    anyia ,
    @anyia@lgbtqia.space avatar

    @alice (I want to) Iä! Iä! Iä!

    jimfl ,
    @jimfl@hachyderm.io avatar

    @alice That’s the toxoplasmosis talking

    bittner ,
    @bittner@hachyderm.io avatar

    @alice I mean, the invisible (to us) tethering does help explain the always-landing-on-their-feet thing.

    stevefoerster ,
    @stevefoerster@social.fossdle.org avatar

    @alice I mean, this theory does fit the data.

    alice OP ,
    @alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

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  • stevefoerster ,
    @stevefoerster@social.fossdle.org avatar

    @alice 4. Well, not that I recall. 🤔

    papakipos ,
    @papakipos@mastodon.social avatar

    @alice This explains so much. Cat gravity distortions, for example

    homelessjun ,

    @alice are they also the ones stealing the socks?

    alice OP ,
    @alice@lgbtqia.space avatar

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  • homelessjun ,

    @alice
    perhaps cats are here to thwart those from the sock stealing dimensions, then?

    metageek ,
    @metageek@techhub.social avatar

    @alice @homelessjun Maybe the hair ties (elastic ones, right?) are to build a higher dimensional catapult to send those who figure it all out off to the Cat Dimension for reprogramming.

    18+ PetterOfCats ,
    @PetterOfCats@mastodon.world avatar

    @alice I’m honestly ok with this.

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