Congrats! The trick is to not increase your spending, and take the excess and either save it or invest it. Remember: just because you can afford it, does not mean you need it. :)
I have a high-stress job but I will say I look forward to my daily routine of coming home, changing into shorts and a t-shirt, and taking a few puffs from a cannabis vape pen while I listen to an audiobook and playing a mindless mobile game for an hour. It gets my mind right and helps me transition to home life.
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.
Recently, I came back home after 2.5 years of studying and working abroad. Home (family, friends, scene, etc.) didn't change much, but I definitely felt something off that it was hard to describe. I grew out of it, I suppose.
I grew up poor in the south. I built a pretty okay career, primarily in D.C. Over the last few years, my visits home have had a similar feeling.
For me, it's not just seeing everyone age, but seeing how they've chosen to "settle" in many ways. There's a realization that many family members have developed as much as they ever will. When I was young, it was possible to imagine myself as a "temporarily embarrassed millionaire." One day, I'd be able to come back and just fix it all for everyone, if I were successful enough. Now I increasingly see the absurdity of that thinking. It's a struggle. It's likely to continue to be a struggle. Many have already gone--so much for helping them have things a little easier. It's utterly unfair. And you're more painfully aware of those realities through adult eyes.
Beyond that, a childhood home is a complex thing. I have many positive memories of the place, but I have many really dark memories that also hang over the same place. Those are things I didn't wrestle with until I got older, which partially accounts for the change in feeling.
The bright side for me is that, despite all of this, I have started to see a more full picture of where I grew up. For years, I could only see the bad, but having dealt with that a little better by now, I can begin to appreciate its charms. It has started to lend a mystique to a place I thought could never rise above humdrum, at best.
Also from the south here, living in California these days. And the part about everyone settling is so accurate. As for seeing the positives, I will say that this place went from being a not well known and somewhat poor community to being in the top 10 fastest growing cities after covid. So it's at least nice to see the care given to it from the state improving. And the childhood home memories are definitely something I hadn't thought of either until now. The fact that my memories here are both good AND bad. Thanks for the response, really made me think with this one!
Due to visa complications I haven’t been home to see my family since I moved continents five years ago. I had no idea when I left that I would never see my dog or the only home that I had ever known ever again.
I’m extremely concerned that I’m also pining for a place that doesn’t exist any more.
Hoping those visa complications work out so you're able to visit soon. Yeah, I definitely feel stuck between a dream and reality visiting here now. But it's at least nice to see some stuff again.
I joined the military when I couldn't figure out what to do with my life and I've been back a handful of times
It's rough. At first I didn't like going home because I felt I could have a better time just staying where I was stationed and enjoying my time off. Eventually I came back around and I stopped feeling anxious.
It sucks the first few times because it isn't the same feeling of home.
That's good to hear, because I think that points the way forward.
The unfortunate reality, I think, is that the feeling you have is the product of your upbringing. Some people and some parents create a solid sense of roots that feel very nurturing. It gives the feeling that while the world may change, the protection and familiarity of home will never change.
You didn't get that. Which is not fair. That doesn't mean you can't have that, but it does mean you have to make it yourself in a new home going forward. And it's a very gradual process.
There’s a concept that we studied in literature in University about never truly being able to go home again after you grow up. We were reading an Alice Munro short story collection but Tom Wolfe famously wrote about the topic.
You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting, but which are changing all the time – back home to the escapes of Time and Memory.
It might get better later on, once you accept that the world has moved on, your old room is now an office, your parents are becoming old people, and time is passing. At some point you start getting nostalgic about the things that remained the same in a different way - or at least I did. But Wolfe is still right - it's not home any more.
While the article's author seems to mostly complain about changes, I personally experienced the opposite. After years the town had barely changed at all, which felt very strange and worse the people that stuck around, but aged, had become what I perceived as distorted shadows of what I remembered with very little personal growth apparent.
In my 40s I went back to my home town, not having lived there since I was 18 (none of my family still lived there). First shop I went into the woman said, "Hi MrsDoyle, how's your mum?" In the bank, the teller clocked my name and said, "Aww, I used to babysit you!" I got a big hit of the claustrophobia that drove me away in the first place.
I switched countries a few years back, but I still visit every few months to see my family and friends there. I definitely get what you mean, sometimes it's not even that the place has changed that much, but it's more that you have changed. I don't think there is really any way to deal with this feeling.
I like to go on a bike ride in summer or when it's warm. For about two weeks I cycled the 15kms to work with my road bike, and it was pretty refreshing getting out of the office and ride the half hour home.
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