I don't want to criticize you or your opinion; your views are entirely valid.
I just want to get this off my chest:
I am sick and tired of people who want to "grow". Unbound, needless growth is the attitude that brought us into climate change. I would rather have people waste themselves every weekend, than people who put "growth" about everything else.
I think there's kind of a difference between growing as a person, emotionally, intellectually, interpersonally, etc, and growing as a species and building as much as we can as big as possible. Those aren't the same thing, and one of them comes with consequences for the world and humanity where the other does not...
I not only don't like drinking myself because it tastes awful and makes me feel like shit, I don't really like being around others who are drinking because drunk people are, at best, simply obnoxious and at worse straight up abusive. It's hard to make friends with this stance since drinking is so fuckin' normalized.
The problem, I think, that you're facing is that you're being, and I quote, "simply obnoxious and at worst straight up abusive". It's hard to make friends with people when that's their opinion of you.
And what's worst is that your opinion is based on the worst drinkers. The problem drinkers. People like me (averaging, say, a drink every two days, hasn't been actually drunk since sometime in the '90s, etc.) are going to be shying away from you if you start talking like this, largely because you're coming across as a judgmental prick and I don't like hanging out with judgmental pricks. (Nor do I like hanging out with drunks.)
Are you a judgmental prick for real? I have no idea and no way to know. I can't read what's in your mind. But I can hear what you say (and read your body language when you say it) and even though I'm not a drunk, not obnoxious, and not abusive, I'm still likely to shy away from interacting with you because you come across as obnoxious and even abusive, at least with this.
If you're not a drunk, why are you taking my opinion of drunk people so personally, when it doesn't apply to you? I don't need to read your mind or body language to tell you're a prick, because I can see that you are after you went off on an insulting tirade simply because I don't like hanging out with drunk people, because I find them obnoxious.
How much did you have to drink before commenting? That's a rhetorical question, BTW. I've already blocked you.
Wait, you despise then so much you wish they were dead. How do you not realise one of the small advantages of being an adult is just ... not interacting with them ? My dad was a complete racist asshoke, I just didn't see him .
I'm 58, lifes way to short to be associating with toxic people.
If it were just me, I probably would. They act relatively normal around the kids who don't have access to their maternal grandparents. It's not ideal to be sure, but our kids are kind and very left leaning and it would take a lot more than two weeks of bigotry from a couple of insane hillbillies (or whatever the British equivalent of a hillbilly is) to change that.
There's no dilemma. Cut off all contact immediately. Don't tell your kids it was your choice until they are mature enough to respect that choice, or they will make it harder by asking to visit. Come up with whatever excuse seems most plausible in your specific situation.
Allowing your parents to influence your kids any more would be negligent at best, possibly cruel. Don't do it.
They live in a different country. We only see them for about a week a year. Admittedly too much. But children need grandparents, even if it's as an example of how not to be. The children actually like them.
I'm not going to lie. If I want any chance what so ever of paying my mortgage before I die I'm also going to need the inheritance. Otherwise I'll be putting undue pressure on my own children to support me in my old age. I can put in an hour a week to make sure I don't go homeless when I retire.
It's not easy to say, but acting based on the hope of an inheritance probably isn't worth it. Unless you had specific information about it of course. Retirement is expensive and they're probably currently living off the funds. If they have it saved away, but haven't chosen to give you money while they live, despite struggling with a mortgage that houses their grandkids, they either dont have it or don't want you to have it.
You don’t have to allow your family any sort of contact with your kids. That’s something you earn, not a right. Even for family, they have to earn that.
And you don’t have to be in contact with them so much yourself either if they don’t enhance your life.
You can.. fade away.. just take fewer calls, grey-rock them when you do talk, where you share minimal information, or just stop interacting with them.
You aren’t likely to change them; they’d have done that by now if they were going to. Best you can do is damage control and damage mitigation.
I just don’t talk to some of my family, like my dad. Idk if he’s even still alive because he wasn’t worth knowing. He detracted from, rather than added to, my life, so he isn’t in it. But you can be softer about it and still do damage mitigation, like making sure your kids are with friends for surprise visits or whatever.
It sounds like there may be something to be gained by cutting them off. Ten more years of damage to you, your wife, and your children is a lot. What does continuing to put up with them get you?
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