Did some volunteering at some old folks homes and a hospice.
The hospice had people who were literally trapped in their own bodies. Bedridden and unable to move their arms, legs or even speak. They communicated yes/no by monotone grunting(two for yes, one for no.
Person was fully conscious and aware. Just unable to act on the outside world.
Being sexually assaulted. I feel like in terms of things that are top tier awful experiences I would probably rank any unwanted sexual experience worse than pain or death.
I've been manipulated by people. I was of age though and kind of too depressed to care because I live in a shitty small town. My sexual manipulation wasn't as bad as some other stuff people go through though. I've been manipulated hard in a non sexual way. So many kids go through shit some adult literally can't even fathom. It's sick. Even as an adult people don't get it.
I remember an older guy that weighed probably 250 laying on top of me doing stuff and I couldn't move. He shoved poppers in my face. I was so depressed and dead feeling back then I didn't care. I felt like I was in a movie. looking back that person obvious would get me liquored up and have his way. It hurts to know someone would actually act like that in real life. On the other side of things... No regular people in my life gave me a minute. No one cared for me. It's fucked to think that same guy did more for me than regular friends or family. Everyone else would have just sat back and watched me and egg me on to kms. Because everyone else I knew were just naive, entitled, and privileged.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I've experienced some wild things as an adult and had/have a hard time with it. I probably wouldn't have made it as kid. It's hard enough as an adult... The extreme confusion and betrayal is all consuming. Then you have to live day to day around people that have no idea of how real life can get.
He died of Covid in prison in 2020 after serving 20 years of his life sentence, thank God.
He had been fighting for parole and never got it.
He was a psychopath and very well could have hunted us down for putting him in jail.
I survived a drug induced coma and since then my brain just misses a lot of cells. I once had a pretty high IQ and nowadays I can be happy I remembered to take my pills in the morning. The most I can do is a low level sysadmin job, for everything else I basically lack the brains.
It's not really something I have experienced in a past tense, I experience this shit every single day. Hate to be ridiculed for my bad memory especially. My coworkers don't know that and regularly make fun of me.
Oh man, that sounds terrible. It's one thing to be at that intelligence, but to know you used to be smarter and just ain't anymore sounds horrifying. Can I ask is it a memory thing or do you legit feel less intelligent?
I don't only feel less intelligent, I am less intelligent. My IQ dropped about 20%, which is noticeable by everyone including me.
The most annoying thing is that it feels like my brain is underclocked. Some Ritalin helped for a while with that but I had to stop taking it because of the risk for sudden death in conjunction with my other meds and conditions, which is something I wouldn't like to experience.
However even with enhancing drugs I still am not the 80% which my IQ test says, I feel more like half of what I used to be. It's really detrimental to self worth knowing that I used to be smart and now I'm "just average" even though years of therapy told me it's OK to be average.
I can imagine! It's like an athlete getting lame. They can still function but not at the level they're used to. Others might not be able to understand this loss as they see them just being on their level
Oh wow, that's a pretty cool analogy. Stealing that :D
Others might not be able to understand this loss as they see them just being on their level
They even sometimes tell me how smart I am and that… triggers me even more. Bitch, I'm dumb, if you think that's smart you really offend me. Deep down I know that they mean well and think they're giving me a compliment, but it still stings.
I was 6 miles into a very technical mountain bike ride, when I fell and broke my collar bone. No one had any cell service. Hiking out of there was pretty hellish.
I went mountain biking for about a year after that, but then I switched to road bikes exclusively. I found myself focusing way too much on every rock and root while mountain biking that I just couldn't enjoy the ride anymore.
I was doing some work with an academic center that provided continuing education for the teachers and caretakers at orphanages. We always worked with local administration or charities who would educate the administrators and caretakers on how to maneuver the legal system in their country, while we provided the technical training and education resources. The goal was to get the children trained in a trade skill so they could support themselves when they got out. The areas we were working in were often remote and never in good areas, but the teachers and caretakers usually tried, they just didn’t know what they were doing and needed a little help. But at least they were trying.
By this point I had worked all over latin America, and a handful of countries in Africa. All of these people and cultures were different, but you could tell they tried, and the people in the villages and towns respected, and in many cases helped those that tried. Honestly it was some of the best and most rewarding work I have ever done.
I’m saying all of this because back in 2008 I ended up seeing an opportunity to go to Russia and do the same type work. I thought I’ve never been to Europe or Asia, sure that sounds exciting. Expecting to see the same thing I had seen in 18 other countries by this point. People in rural areas who saw a need and stepped in, now they just need training.
Instead of a rural town or village, we ended up in Kostroma, a city of a quarter million people. We find out from our contact from the Ministry of Education, that children are usually kicked out of orphanages at 14 as they are no longer profitable. At that point we should have immediately started asking questions, alarm bells should have gone off, etc. But it was the first day in a new country, we’re still getting to know our contacts before we start training. So there’s still some cultural unknowns, could be a translation error, any number of things.
While we’re doing our training, the teachers and caretakers were very standoffish, much more than we were expecting, but whatever, we’re the new people. They also have very strict times of when we have to be out of there. Makes sense, end of the work day, you’ve got kids to take care of, we get it.
We stayed too late one night and we found out the reason why the kids could become, “no longer profitable.” Evidently all of the orphanages in the area would sell kids for a night, and when they got too old, people didn’t want them, so they got kicked out. When we found out, obviously the first thing we did was try and report it. But we were told by both our contacts from the Ministry of Education, and the police, that’s just how they do business. If the kids want to eat they have to work.
We broke our contract with the Ministry of Education stating what we witnessed and left. Don’t know if anything has changed, but I’ve not been a fan of Russia ever since.
That's fucked up. One of my "inlaw" relatives had a brother that went through that in America back in the 60s early 70s. They were both orphans. I wonder if she went through a similar experience and doesn't talk about it. Humanity is dark... Probably for more than people expect.
I don't know about "evil" because I don't really subscribe to the Christian good vs evil. Yeah there are people out there who do terrible awful things, but generally speaking the most "evil" things come as a consequence of our amoral decisions.
We decided in the US that cars should be the primary method of transportation back in the 50s in order to stimulate the growing car manufacturing industry. That decision now results in nearly 50,000 people a year dying in car accidents.
We are not much different from the Mayans sacrificing victims in order to bring rain. We do the same thing, but for a different ideological purpose.
This is, in my opinion, much more dangerous and harmful than "evil". Sadists come and go but institutions and ideology remains.
Having said all that, I've been robbed & beaten. I've been through heroin addiction. I grew up as an illegal immigrant.
All of those ultimately shaped who I am today, but there were definitely difficult moments. Life is complex though and I think "evil" had nothing to do with the most traumatic and painful events in my life.
Racism. I've been called racial slurs for not just my race, but other races. I've been profiled by police. I've watched my boss not only allow racist remarks made by my coworkers for no reason (eg: working like a hard-R) but laugh along to them. People judge Tarantino's movies for excessive use of racism but I think they're the most honest depictions of American culture.
Same for me in but with homophobia. Family friends and co workers. People act like LGBT people are free... They aren't. I've dealt with more than just jokes. Life is hell. Good luck with your journey.
I'm sorry for what you've gone through. While things are getting scary, know that you're not alone and there are many of us willing to stand up against your oppressors. We'll make sure that bigotry becomes a thing of the past.
Went under ti have my wisdom teeth removed and I swear I was in hell for 5 seconds. All I could see was faded yellow and orange and I was hearing screaming.
I got shots before my teeth extraction. Don't dentists offer that where you got yours done? I would've just refused otherwise because even with the drugs I could feel the tools scrape against my skull or tissue or whatever.
I've heard pregnant women don't get anaesthetic because it was dangerous for the baby.
Not sure, I'd have to say it's a tie between having my hometown sunk into chaos by the classic tabloid treatment, accidentally contributing to the first human tragedy of someone close to me I've had to hear about, witnessing my only friends' families tear apart by legal forces, assault and stuff at the psych ward, being kidnapped once, and overall people targeting me for various reasons.
I don't understand what is meant by "Classic Tabloid Treatment". Is it like slander about the town, or like when tourist spot shows up in newspapers and there's crowds of people that show up in town?
Depression and gender dysphoria. It's not very dramatic nor fast-acting, it just ate away at me for a decade until I was sure I wasn't gonna survive the next few years.
The fear of death doesn't go away, it just starts to seem like the least terrible option. And it's one thing when you get those impulses to do it, but it's even scarier when you feel calm and levelheaded and still feel you should do it.
It is a dramatic thing. Growing up gay in the 2000s in a small narrow minded town basically broke me and my essence. It's an undeserving hell built by ignorant people.
Good luck with life. Hopefully things get better with society.
Going with my father to figure out how we would clean up the bathroom my grandfather attempted suicide in as I didn't think it was something he should do on his own (it was my maternal grandfather but still...). I was right. It made every horror movie look tame. However, it was so terrible that there wasn't much we could do other than phone crime scene cleanup and stay out of their way while they earned every single penny of their fee.