z500

z500 , 22 days ago

I ask only to be sent to bed while my mind is still clean

z500 , 2 months ago

Daim, that's a sweet erth

z500 , 2 months ago

That was John Quincy Adams. I remember because I also learned that he did this nude, an image I've been trying to get out of my head for 30 years.

z500 , 2 months ago

Maybe they're more into endosymbiotic nitrogen-fixing organelles

z500 , 2 months ago

My sister's tuxedo is so wild, you can tell her mind is going a mile a minute but somehow doesn't have much going on up there.

z500 , 2 months ago

If you're blind, it's a possibility.

z500 , 2 months ago

If he absolutely must be elected president, it would be kind of nice if he kicked the bucket after just a few minutes in office

z500 , 2 months ago

That's why I said it would only be kind of nice lol

z500 , 2 months ago

Anyone still experiencing stress by the end of the day WILL BE FIRED!!!!!

z500 , 2 months ago

She's banned because she flipped him on his back and huffed his belly

z500 , 3 months ago

They live die

z500 , 3 months ago

https://Startrek.website/pictrs/image/6712896c-ab81-4f42-bd66-f1d5518039bc.jpeg

z500 , 3 months ago

This reminds me of how I used to eat a spoonful of chunky peanut butter and then add a glug of maple syrup

z500 , 3 months ago

From the python docs:

Note that even in MULTILINE mode, re.match() will only match at the beginning of the string and not at the beginning of each line.

If you want to locate a match anywhere in string, use search() instead (see also search() vs. match()).

z500 , 3 months ago

About 10 years ago someone actually burned to death from static discharge at a gas pump like 2 miles down the road from my house. It's extremely rare, but it does happen.

z500 , 4 months ago

This would be a great album cover

z500 , 4 months ago

Look again, it actually says Dempster

z500 , 4 months ago

Harambe's death was the nexus connecting all timelines

z500 , 4 months ago

Back when computer monitors were big enough, my cat would sit on that and I would have to keep moving his tail out of the way

z500 , 4 months ago

This guy's taking Kamin off the grid!

z500 , 4 months ago

One time I smoked just a little to see how it would feel. I tripped the fuck out for like 5 seconds.

z500 , 4 months ago

Hold my internal organs, I'm going in

z500 , 4 months ago

Happy Threshold Day!

z500 , 5 months ago

I saw George W. Bush at a grocery store in Kennebunkport yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

z500 , 5 months ago

Case closed I guess.

z500 , 5 months ago

Anatidaephobia

z500 , 11 months ago

I, too, become erect by swiveling my penis 180°