Knights among toner cartridges ( infosec.pub )

(Business people) speaking a language familiar and dear to them. Its portentous nouns and verbs invest ordinary events with high adventure; executives walk among toner cartridges, caparisoned like knights. We should tolerate them - every person of spirit wants to ride a white horse.
-William Strunk Jr. (The Elements of Style)

Swedneck ,
@Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

also, every single job listing says this, and i'm NOT willing nor able to work in such an environment

god i love capitalism

Asafum ,

Yeah and I fucking hate it because I don't just assume everyone is lying so I never apply to those places.

I don't think these idiots realize how hard they're shooting themselves in the foot with these kinds of ridiculous descriptions...

Also the "college degree required, starting salary: 2 peanuts and a dead cat, bimonthly pay periods."

Absolute insanity.

Mirshe ,

Whoa whoa, a whole dead cat?

AnUnusualRelic ,
@AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world avatar

"We used to dream about getting a dead cat!"

rekabis ,

At least it’s a private cubicle and not an open layout where devs are crammed in cheek-to-jowl in a cacophony of chaos.

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

It's not even the noise that's the worst part. It's that you know you can't scratch your ass without everyone noticing.

Konstant ,

[Thread, post or comment was deleted by the author]

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    FlyingSquid ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    When you've got an itch, you've got an itch.

    pixelscience ,
    @pixelscience@lemm.ee avatar

    TWO MONITORS!

    TonyTonyChopper ,
    @TonyTonyChopper@mander.xyz avatar

    why get a reasonably sized monitor when you can get these babies for $20 each in bulk orders

    Lepsea ,

    It's actually a fast-paced and unpredictable environment. The job is about how fast you switch from playing games/browsing lemmy to look like you are working when the "management" passing by

    Asafum ,

    As a dumb fuck factory schmuck I'd kill for that kind of fast paced! The only time I get to stop and sit on lemmy for a minute is when I'm in the bathroom lol

    DemBoSain ,
    @DemBoSain@midwest.social avatar

    Is that a page-feed scanner? Anyone that hands me a sheet of paper had better realize it's going to sit on my desk until the end of the day, and then get dumped in the recycling.

    Evade5415 ,

    When I worked on the accounting system at my last job they had scanners just to scan invoices. They were scary fast.

    PlutoniumAcid ,
    @PlutoniumAcid@lemmy.world avatar

    I got myself a Brother scanner to digitise my paperwork. Double-sided color scans converted to PDF in just over one second per sheet. Impressive!

    PhlubbaDubba ,

    Translation, "we want someone who's ok with us harassing them to do stuff outside work hours"

    Rodeo ,

    "No."

    "You were hired here on the basis of being a team player."

    "And I put in exactly the hours required of me by the job description. You're the manager; if slack needs to be picked up, it's your responsibility to do so, not mine."

    My bosses all hate me, and I'm happier than ever.

    wreckedcarzz ,
    @wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world avatar

    Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment...

    ohlaph ,

    Perfect!

    Cold_Brew_Enema ,

    Yeah... it's just we're putting cover letters on all TPS reports now.

    Did you get that memo?

    peopleproblems ,

    Heh

    It's freaking me out that it looks so damn similar to where I used to work. The only thing this lacks is shelving cabinets above the desk.

    rekabis ,

    Like Mr. Anderson’s cubicle in The Matrix?

    mozz Admin ,
    mozz avatar

    There's a music video about this

    Fixbeat ,

    I swear that I have worked in a place like this, all the way down to the stupid exposed ducts. This must be the corporate prison that our overlords have decided on.

    Shirasho ,

    Unpredictable: "Our requirements are constantly changing due to bad planning."

    High energy: "There will be a lot of yelling."

    NocturnalEngineer ,

    Fast-paced: "Your deadlines will always be due last week/month/year".

    hydrospanner ,

    The last place I worked, my role, by necessity, had to be the last step before any submission deadline. We received all of these deadlines months in advance.

    Without fucking fail, the engineers on the team would wait until 0-6 work days before the deadline before sending me any markups with which to even start my work. Typically, these markups would contain anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks of work on my part.

    Invariably, when I took this chronological conundrum to the project managers, their reply was some variation of, "I understand the difficulty but this deadline is set in stone. If you need to work overtime to get it done, I'm okay with that."

    For my first year and a half, I would then proceed to work insane hours to get as much done as I possibly could.

    Finally on one project, this got so bad that the engineers sent me markups literally the night before the shit was due. In the meeting the next day where we were supposed to review the submission (but for which I was preparing to explain to them why we wouldn't have any submission), instead, the project lead opens with, "Hey all, some of you have communicated to me that you're pressed for time on this, so we're going to push this deadline out by six weeks."

    After that I never worked one more minute of overtime to meet a deadline for them.

    Asafum ,

    I work in a factory and was just handed a shop order today that is a "rush" and set to be due tomorrow. The paperwork is handed to me before the product goes out to be coated so it's at least 2 weeks before I even see it to work on it...

    Gotta love being set up for failure...

    lurch ,

    Little did they know ... a courier will deliver a cell phone to this cubicle any minute and Morpheus is gonna call the moment they open the cardboard envelope

    feedum_sneedson ,

    I've seen that film!

    Betch ,
    @Betch@lemmy.world avatar

    Could be the cubicle of a 911 dispatcher. Although it looks too clean and it doesn't have like 3 keyboards and mice instead of a KVM.

    stanka ,

    I WFH now (thank you covid), but my jobs have been in similarly drab cubes and offices.

    The work is dynamic and fast-paced. Having crazy lights and crap on the walls would not improve the work.

    jeena ,
    @jeena@jemmy.jeena.net avatar

    I'd love a cubical, at work we only had open spaces the last 15 years or so. It's so loud and distracting, I hate it. But the upper management always has their own individual office where they can just close the door.

    fuckwit_mcbumcrumble ,

    The one up side to the open floor plan at work is it makes throwing nerf darts at co workers across the office easier.

    Nothing is better when you’re frustrated than beaming a dart at your buddy, or starting a dart war.

    jeena ,
    @jeena@jemmy.jeena.net avatar

    That would make me explode. We had guys flying those mini quadcopters at the office, oh my god it was so annoying.

    fuckwit_mcbumcrumble ,

    When you’re not involved it sucks, but when you are it’s amazing. I’ve gotten really good at ignoring them, but it took years.

    Now a quad copter in the office sounds awful. How tall are your ceilings?

    jeena ,
    @jeena@jemmy.jeena.net avatar

    Jast average hight, but they had those mini quad copters like this:

    https://res.cloudinary.com/modal-man/image/upload/v1500599550/mini-quadcopter_daxbp5.jpg

    FlyingSquid ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    When you’re not involved it sucks, but when you are it’s amazing.

    Yes, and the people who don't want to be involved have to just sit there and try to work through that chaos. It's rude behavior.

    CubitOom OP ,

    Hence the nerf.

    I shot one with a slingshot and a nerf ball before it could get into the copy room...highlight of my career.

    alyth ,

    Is this sarcasm?

    fuckwit_mcbumcrumble , (edited )

    ... No? Have you never worked in a fun work environment? Nerf fights in offices are not that uncommon.

    I can’t find any (good) videos of it, but I do have a video of a drunk co worker trying to play golf with fake poop.

    feedum_sneedson ,

    The problem is that's not actually fun.

    fuckwit_mcbumcrumble ,

    Nah, it’s actually pretty fun. Try having fun some time.

    feedum_sneedson ,

    Thanks for the suggestion.

    alyth ,

    I worked in that office when I was three, it was called kindergarden.

    fuckwit_mcbumcrumble ,

    I’m sorry to hear about your poor working environment. Can I offer you a dart in these trying times?

    FlyingSquid ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    That sounds like the exact opposite of fun to me. People shooting shit at me. Can we play D&D or something instead? I mean I don't particularly want to hang out at work to do something "fun," but if I have to...

    fuckwit_mcbumcrumble ,

    If you don’t want to be involved then people won’t throw darts at you. It’s only people that want to be involved (sans the odd failed throw). Everyone in our office at least enjoys them.

    There’s only one person who doesn’t like them, but she has her own office and is a massive hypocrite so she can fuck off.

    FlyingSquid ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    Until a dart hits me by mistake when I'm trying to focus on something. Not to mention the distractions.

    fuckwit_mcbumcrumble ,

    You get used to it. I've gotten to that point that a dart to the back of the head, or hitting my monitor doesn't even make me flinch, and I don't lose my train of though. I'll wrap up what I was working on, then fire back.

    FlyingSquid ,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    Why should I have to get used to it? It's a job, not a fucking arcade.

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