Newest - The Onion

New Florida Law Requires All Women To Produce 3 Healthy White Sons By 22nd Birthday ( www.theonion.com )

What Biden Can Do To Win Over Gen Z ( www.theonion.com )

Woke, Woke, Woke, Snowflake, Cancel Culture, Woke, insists Lee Anderson ( newsthump.com )

Local Teachers Union Announces Plans to Invade Gaza in Order to Secure Government Funding ( thehardtimes.net )

Anarchist Surprisingly Strict About Board Game Rules ( thehardtimes.net )

Trump Reflexively Asks Michael Cohen To Silence Michael Cohen ( www.theonion.com )

Florida Students Given Lifelike Dolls To Simulate Responsibility Of Owning Slave ( www.theonion.com )

Onion Gift Guide: Mother’s Day Gifts For Every Type Of Mom ( www.theonion.com )

Man pivots seamlessly from criticising trans rights as ‘a threat to women’s safety’ to defending Russell Brand as ‘no threat to women’s safety’ ( newsthump.com )

Steve Albini Standing Outside Gates of Heaven Telling Everyone How Much He Hates the Smashing Pumpkins ( thehardtimes.net )

Trump Brags His Brain Worms Are Still Alive and Very Strong ( thehardtimes.net )

17 Days In Incubator Longest Time Premature Baby Will Go Without Being Exposed To Advertising ( www.theonion.com )

Bored Riot Cops Break Up Calculus Class ( www.theonion.com )

Man decides it’s just easier to become climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers ( newsthump.com )

Doug Ford denounces university encampments after mistaking tents for affordable housing ( www.thebeaverton.com )

Drake Drops New Track Inviting Kendrick Lamar Out To Coffee So They Can Clear Things Up ( www.theonion.com )

“The truth is, Kendrick, I think you’re a sweetie / Does 2 p.m. work, or maybe 3?” Drake raps in his new single titled “I Miss You, Buddy,”...

Israel Accuses Al Jazeera Of Being Mouthpiece For Journalism ( www.theonion.com )

New Texas Law Makes It Legal To Sue Any Woman Whose Weight Fluctuates To Find Out What’s Going On There ( www.theonion.com )

How to Boycott a Company By Talking About How Bad It Is and That’s It ( thehardtimes.net )

Seinfeld slams woke student audiences: “Back when I dated high school girls, they found me hilarious!” ( www.thebeaverton.com )

HOLLYWOOD – With his Netflix comedy film Unfrosted debuting to abysmal reviews, 70-year-old comedian Jerry Seinfeld blames the failure on “extreme left, and PC college campus audiences”, unlike in his heyday, when the teenage girls he dated were fans of his comedy.

Advisors Assure Biden This Will Blow Over Once All Gazans Dead ( www.theonion.com )

‘Bluey’ Praised For Tackling Difficult Subject Of Walking In On Parents During Their Scheduled Weekly Sex ( www.theonion.com )

“We watch Bluey every week as a family, and I tell you, when Bandit sat Bluey down to explain to her that what she saw was just him and Mum doing something the therapist made them promise they’d do every Sunday night at precisely 7:30 p.m., I teared up,”