Local retiree wants to be US President when he grows up ( chaser.com.au )
Analysts: Biden Can Negate Debate Performance By Pulling Train With Chain Clenched Between Teeth ( www.theonion.com )
SpaceX's New "Orbit-to-Ocean" Express Service Unveiled ( isglitch.com )
Trump Boys Break Into CNN Office Attempting To Steal Debate Answers ( www.theonion.com )
‘Balanced’ journalist pushes politician’s lie to prove they don’t have a ‘pro-fact’ bias ( chaser.com.au )
Rob Zombie Admits He Only Makes Movies Because He Ran Out of Horror Soundbites To Use In His Music ( thehardtimes.net )
Congenital and Parent-of-Origin Prediction Factors and Risks of Baby Jazziness in Americana Live Births - Journal of Astrological Big Data Ecology ( jabde.com )
Supreme Court issues token reasonable ruling ( thebeaverton.com )
Tourist Immediately Breaks 34 Sacred Local Customs While Deboarding Airplane ( www.theonion.com )
Researchers Train Mice To Choose Between Life-Saving Medications And Other Essentials ( www.theonion.com )
Instagram Apologizes for Bug That Briefly Allowed Users’ Posts to be Viewed by Their Followers ( thehardtimes.net )
The Ten Commandments Are Trump’s Favorite of All the Commandments ( www.nytimes.com )
Almost fooled me, but I think it's satire.Link is paywall free but here's an archive link anyway.
Nobel Prize to Be Awarded to Forum User From 9 Years Ago With Same Niche Problem ( hard-drive.net )
Wealthy Canadians announce BMW X3 convoy to protest capital gains tax hike ( www.thebeaverton.com )
Ohio attorney suspended over pooping in a Pringles can has license reinstated ( www.dispatch.com )
Dispatch.com
Man who calls women "females" hopes to one day be allowed within 500 meters of one ( chaser.com.au )
Free speech enthusiast now up to three boycotts a week ( newsthump.com )
A man who is a staunch believer in free speech after spending the last four years bemoaning cancel culture, is now up to three boycotts a week because of people saying things he didn’t like.
Closeted Republican Politicians Breathe Sigh of Relief as X Makes Likes Private ( thehardtimes.net )
House of Commons takes action to ensure foreign state interference stops getting in way of domestic corporate interference ( www.thebeaverton.com )
“Prime Minister Trudeau and I don’t agree on much, but we do agree that Canada is not for sale to foreign governments,” opposition leader Pierre Poilievre said. “Canada is now, and has always been, for sale to mining companies, agricultural conglomerates, and the American hedge funds who own most of our news media.”