@alice I’d like to preemptively apologize for any offense I might cause seemingly misgendering or deadnaming, it’s kind of relevant to the story so I’ll use pronouns as they preferred at the time. I’m going to swap out names since I don’t have permission to share.
Once upon a time I used to be a co-lead of rather large, openly LGBTQIA+ guild in an MMO. I had a close group of friends I played with and we often hung out on Discord together. Two of the other co-leads were married IRL, Harry and Samantha. Samantha often was quiet in voice with strangers, and after a life of suffering the all-to-common harassment just for presenting feminine on the internet she requested we always refer to her as Sam publicly, and to not let people outside of our circle know she was female.
After a few years of this, Sam in public, Samantha in private, one day they pulled me into a chat with the both of them to tell me Sam had realized over time that presenting masculine just felt far more natural for them. It felt right. Sam had just come out to his partner Harry, who was cishet, as a trans man the previous night.
My initial reaction was one of worry. They both always loved and respected each other so much and I was worried for them that this could be the end of their relationship and I really just wanted them both to be okay and happy. To my delight, Harry had embraced Sam, and said they were still the person they had always loved all this time. After the initial worry passed I was proud and happy for my friend, and a little scared. They weren’t the first person close to me to ever come out as LGBTQIA+, but I had seen how damaging that can be for people. I wanted to show my love and support, and I was afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.
So we talked about it. Sam told me the same thing they told Harry. To me, they would always be both Samantha and Sam. They didn’t care what we called them in private, we had known each other so many years that way. Out of habit I kept that up for a little bit, for years I had already said Samantha in private, Sam in public, but eventually it just seemed right to say Sam all the time.
I spoke to Harry after to see how they were doing. They were definitely confused on what that meant for themselves. They loved Sam and planned to stay together but didn’t know what the long term impact on their relationship would be.
We’ve drifted apart due to normal life events, but writing this has made me want to check in on them. I don’t know if they’re still together. But regardless I hope they’re both still happy and living life as their authentic selves. I’ll fight anyone who tries to deny them that.
I’m happy to discuss further if it feels like I left anything out!