alice , 
So...I have a tall cupboard.
In this cupboard, on the top shelf is a huge bag of steel-cut oatmeal.
This morning I tried to access said oatmeal.
The bag split.
Now my whole kitchen has oatmeal.
My pockets have oatmeal.
My hair has oatmeal.
My cats have oatmeal.
Everything is oatmeal...
There is no god.