Lancing a boil is painful, but it’s the only way to start healing @
I know. It's the maintaining that's for reasons. I'm working on it, because every time that wound scabs over and they sense it and find an opportunity, ripping it off and rubbing dirt into it is a gleefully taken opportunity. They are unwell, probably clinical npd. They were extremely violated for about a decade, as a child and never sought help (sign of the times l suppose, insurance didn't exist, psychological help was out of reach financially and well, the parents were the abusers), etc etc etc. at ~8 decades of life, it's just not going to happen, unless some wild miracle happens, and I'm not counting on it. Whether I completely cut contact or not, there's a he'll of a mess I'll be cleaning up, and I would suppose death after a cut may add another heaping pile of rot on top of it. But I'm currently doing all within my realistic ability to do that. Still stinks and is extremely painful, either way.
I realize I just trauma dumped a huge pile of emotional baggage on you. I almost want to delete this but want others who are in a position to cut contract to see it. Get out because it gets worse with age, not better. And layers of layers of scar tissue can become extremely painful, festering, leaking wounds.
ETA: Please accept my apologies, if this is too much.