I left a discord server because their mods would delete anything that got too real. Like, it was so bad, you couldn't actually have a conversation in any of the channels. If you weren't just making one-liner jokes or posting memes, the conversation would be deleted by a mod and you'd be threatened with a ban.
All because their reasoning was "we are not therapists. Our users are not therapists." No shit. But friends talk to each other, too. I suppose being discord mods, they've never actually had any friends to know that, though.
Traumadumping isn't just telling your friends about your problems, it's using them as a sole emotional crutch and putting them in a position emotionally that they aren't equipped to handle, while a therapist is equipped to handle it and in fact that is their job. Therapists shouldn't be so expensive imo they should be included in health care (which should be universal everywhere in a better world just sayin), and going to a therapist doesn't mean you can't share your woes with your friends but it can teach you healthier ways to do so.
I firmly believe setting boundaries like depicted in the screenshot is a healthy thing to do. However you're feeling you can't dump that on the same people day after day when they have their own shit to deal with, even if they love you
"stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist" my god theypaywalled human connection
big-edies-sun-hat
"If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did notinvite me to it, I should not mind a bit. but if a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it most bitterly. If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me, I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted so that I might share in what I was entitled to share. If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him, I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation"
Oscar Wilde
there's a difference between traumadumping and sharing some trauma/sorrow/sadness.
i compare it with my girlfriend, her family is composed of the worse human beings i ever encountered in this shit hole of earth, and if she said to me be every shit that they do every day that hapoen with them, it start fucking with me, my mental, my capability to help her, my emotional etc, that's why she go to the therapist, so she don't share every day shit that her family do and making me worry and only say to me things that matter
but she started working and studying now, so she spend less and less time with them, leaving less time for them to be assholes, what help me alot
Correct. A common part of psychoeducation for depressed, anxious, and personality-disordered patients is how to properly distribute the emotional load across multiple interpersonal relationships and make sure those people are being rewarded for their support with things like supporting them when they need it and making sure to have regular interactions based around good/happy things.
A lot of people wind up in inpatient psychiatry due to their social supports crumbling under too much or improperly distributed emotional stress. You don't want to fixate on the concept, excessively worrying about bothering people isn't the goal here. It's more to just be mindful that you need to give people some good news too; if they're really your friends they also want to hear that good things have happened to you.
It sounds like you maybe don’t have a lot in common with those people. I don’t mean that in a negative way, you can build commonalities if the relationships are worth it to you.
When they talk over you, what are they talking about? Try asking about those things and letting yourself get excited, even if they don’t sound like your interests. I once let someone infodump to me about Kim kardashian, whom I was actively uninterested in, but they were so passionate, I still enjoyed the conversation.
Otherwise you can try to do a new activity with them (even if you’re not in the same area, there are are dozens of remote socializing tools that are still around from the pandemic, online party games and things like that).
They might also just be having a tough time, too. I tend to withdraw from my loved ones when I’m stressed out. Maybe they’re not responding to the memes but they still appreciate them.
It doesn’t hurt to ask, assuming you trust them enough to be emotionally vulnerable like that. Maybe after doing something fun, since from the context of the post, I’m assuming you’re worried you might be emotionally overburdening them and a relationship talk (even for a friendship) isn’t exactly lighthearted.
