Pretty good on my side, happy to see the community moving here. A bit worried that some people will get lost, but hopefully we'll be able to help them out
Hi, good luck with the migration, we did something similar some time ago, moving !France to another instance, jlai.lu, which is where I'm posting from currently 🤗
For now I'm only seeing @golli's reply, and the bot below mine
Seeing yours too (from both feddit.de and lemm.ee).
For me older replies are slowly starting to show up too, so I guess either posting or subscribing to this community started federation and it just takes time to catch up
I've been a bit overloaded at work for the past week or so, haven't had a lot of time or energy for hobbies. Hopefully will be able to finish up some bigger topics this week so I can relax a bit. Really looking forward to the weekend.
It sounds like there may be something to be gained by cutting them off. Ten more years of damage to you, your wife, and your children is a lot. What does continuing to put up with them get you?
You don’t have to allow your family any sort of contact with your kids. That’s something you earn, not a right. Even for family, they have to earn that.
And you don’t have to be in contact with them so much yourself either if they don’t enhance your life.
You can.. fade away.. just take fewer calls, grey-rock them when you do talk, where you share minimal information, or just stop interacting with them.
You aren’t likely to change them; they’d have done that by now if they were going to. Best you can do is damage control and damage mitigation.
I just don’t talk to some of my family, like my dad. Idk if he’s even still alive because he wasn’t worth knowing. He detracted from, rather than added to, my life, so he isn’t in it. But you can be softer about it and still do damage mitigation, like making sure your kids are with friends for surprise visits or whatever.
There's no dilemma. Cut off all contact immediately. Don't tell your kids it was your choice until they are mature enough to respect that choice, or they will make it harder by asking to visit. Come up with whatever excuse seems most plausible in your specific situation.
Allowing your parents to influence your kids any more would be negligent at best, possibly cruel. Don't do it.
They live in a different country. We only see them for about a week a year. Admittedly too much. But children need grandparents, even if it's as an example of how not to be. The children actually like them.
I'm not going to lie. If I want any chance what so ever of paying my mortgage before I die I'm also going to need the inheritance. Otherwise I'll be putting undue pressure on my own children to support me in my old age. I can put in an hour a week to make sure I don't go homeless when I retire.
It's not easy to say, but acting based on the hope of an inheritance probably isn't worth it. Unless you had specific information about it of course. Retirement is expensive and they're probably currently living off the funds. If they have it saved away, but haven't chosen to give you money while they live, despite struggling with a mortgage that houses their grandkids, they either dont have it or don't want you to have it.
If it were just me, I probably would. They act relatively normal around the kids who don't have access to their maternal grandparents. It's not ideal to be sure, but our kids are kind and very left leaning and it would take a lot more than two weeks of bigotry from a couple of insane hillbillies (or whatever the British equivalent of a hillbilly is) to change that.
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