I like to tell them "The rapture already happened in 1988. The only person worthy was an elderly grandmother living in New Jersey, nobody else noticed."
He came back, saw we were still a worthless lost cause. Decided he'd have some fun for himself since he'd already made the trip.
"Jesus lived his life in a cheap hotel On the edge of Route 66 yeah. He lived a dark and twisted life and he Came right back just to do it again." White Zombie, Super-Charger Heaven
It's almost as if they don't read their own Jesus' words. Matthew claims he said no man knows the hour or day. I'm not getting into what Isaac Newton thought about it
You know, if I were in the business of making predictions about when Jesus is coming back, I’d want the cheapest stickers I could find. That way, when I’m wrong, at least there won’t be physical evidence hanging around for 30 years.
Hell, paper and tape would have been the right call.
I’ve been playing something up lately. See, I didn’t know of that interview where Donald Trump said he has never asked god for forgiveness. I somehow only seen it recently.
So, I told some folks that a man came and asked me, “Would you trust a man who said he never once asked god for forgiveness, that he doesn’t think in those terms?” and he wanted me to think on it, and he’d return and tell me why he asked me. I told them it was an odd question, and when he returned to tell me why he asked I’d share it with them.
They all answered with something along the lines of, “no! Who could live on this world and never ask for forgiveness? Can’t be a good person.”
Have you ever sat down and talked to a Trumper about politics? I don't mean dismissing everything they say and calling them stupid, I mean actually listened and asked them questions? I just did that a couple days ago and it was a real wakeup call for me. Holy fucking shit was that person crazy! It's not like a couple of differences of opinion. It's a thousand different topics that they're completely detached from reality on. Literally every single thing this person said was bat shit crazy, far-right propaganda, engineered to make them impossible to reason with. I ended up just wishing them a nice day and moving on with my life, deciding never to speak to them again. I do not see how we can ever get these people back to normalcy. It's insane, man... and sad.
Perhaps he really is here. If so, he'd be 32 years old by now. Twas around that age he got axed the last time, allegedly. Thor knows I could go for a good crucifixion right now!
Can we go with something less romantic, I want to see the weirdos get creative this time around. I propose death by horsecock, give'em the mister hands treatment.
The Bible says that the second coming will be announced with loud trumpets, and the skies will roll back, and he will descend from heaven. It says that it'll be unmistakable that he's returned and every person on earth will know about it. He's not coming back as a baby.
