Fuck it, it's time. I'm going to share little-known and scandalous facts about the presidents of the United States.
Starting it off, George Washington.
The reason there are so many streets and locations named after Washington has nothing to do with him being the first president. It is actually an homage to his desire to have sex with prostitutes in every location in America. He made them all dress like King George, for the record. Any time you see "Washington" on the map, you should know that it's short for "Washington had sex with a prostitute here." After his death and the expansion of the United States to its current status, people continued the tradition in his honor. If you want to participate in the tradition, you should hoist a pair of lace knickers to the top of the flagpole in any Washington you visit.
Washington DC is a special case. Taste prohibits the explanation of the acronym, but suffice to say that it is both scatalogical and profane. #PresidentsOfTheUnitedStatesFacts
John Adams enjoyed his own farts. He named them all Quincy. This should tell you something about his relationship with his son.
Much has been made of the famous friendship and rivalry between Adams and Jefferson, but what you may not know is that the two of them made out at the Second Constitutional Convention and then never spoke to each other again. The letters make much more sense in that context.
James Madison was hung like a gnat, but he ate ass constantly so Dolly wasn't complaining. Apparently he had a prehensile tongue and no sense of taste.
James Monroe couldn't spell his own name. True story. There's nothing particularly wrong with being illiterate, and many people have become successful with literacy problems, and I'm not judging at all, but James Monroe wasn't illiterate, he just couldn't spell his own name. He blamed this on a brain injury he'd suffered when he was a child, but it was actually because he never bothered to learn how to spell his name. That says something about his character, I think. So, when he had to sign his name, he made a bunch of flourishes and hoped that no one would notice.
Andrew Jackson was a bed-wetter until he was 25 years old. He underwent hypnosis to cure this affliction to his pride and his laundry, and came out of treatment cured of bed-wetting but two inches shorter. No one could explain it, but it's my theory that those two inches were the inches that contained his soul.