I swear if God exists, he meant for opossums to be pets. They can eat just about anything a human can and then some (though I've heard they have some specific dietary needs if you keep one as a pet), they can't get rabies, they're very docile and rarely bite, they readily adapt to urban environments, and they're very expressive.
The only catches are that A) I've heard pet opossums do have some specific dietary needs, B) their lifespan is like spinning a roulette wheel (sometimes they only live 2-3yrs, sometimes they live 10+, evolution selected for breeding over lifespan), C) they're nocturnal. However "A" could be fixed with opossum-specific pet food, and "B" and "C" could probably be "fixed" with several generations of selective breeding.
It's usually pretty obvious if it's lying by the side of the road after being hit by a car. But I know what you mean - they can play dead, and the stupor can last for up to 4 hours. If you are in doubt, contact animal control or your local opossum rehabilitator. The great thing is it's extremely rare for an opossum to have rabies, but one should still take caution.
Imagine you just chill in the grass and this giant grabs you. Their enormous hand wrapped around your whole body they lift you up, stare at you. Are they going to kill you? You never felt this much fear. So you give it your all and scream from the top of your lungs. You show a level of aggressiveness even you weren't aware of inhabiting. You never felt this much rage. You are going to show this skyscraper of flesh who's boss!
But the giant is unimpressed. They hold this big, black, rectangular object right in front of your face. You don't recognize it. A weapon? Is this it? The giant lightly taps on the object. Your life flashes before your eyes. But then the giant puts the other-wordly object away. Your eyes meet again as the giants' mouth starts opening. That's it, they are going to eat you! You close your eyes hoping for a quick death.
Opossums
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