It's possible to have a reasoned discussion without "tolerating" the position.
I’m not saying that there aren’t regular, reasonable people who have genuine concern based in the wellbeing of kids who feel uncomfortable about gender affirming care
Then I don't understand why you're arguing with me. That's all I'm saying.
But I have to say that I feel like your position, that we should engage in good faith with people purporting extreme hateful ideology, is extremely harmful
It's only "hateful" if you assume their view can be solely attributed to malice, which you've already admitted is not necessarily the case.
And judging them and lobbing insults is super helpful?
but tone policing people is really unacceptable imo
LOL "tone policing"? What does that even mean? I don't even know what your, or anyone else's tone is.