Need some advice, two ppl in my family who did interviews has opposite views ( lemmy.world )

So I made this cover letter and thought it showed I’d be dedicated to their field and wanting to learn. While have experience and schooling in certain fields that may benefit their business. Then that I am really good with customers?

Though I showed my mom and grandma. My mom owns a photography business and my grandma used to do interviews for churches. My grandma said that it is absolutely amazing and perfect. While my mom simply just say don’t use it but literally won’t give any explanation into her thought process… so please can anyone let me know, would this be good to use for a job application or to take into the interview?

Fungah ,

Every job is solving problems of some kind or another. Look at the individual postings and as you're writing this ask yourself: does what I'm writing yell them how I'm going to solve the problems that this job needs solved?

That's what people mean when they talk about selling yourself. That's how you get someone's attention. Look at the job posting, make a hypothesis based on available evidence, and use the job posting to tailor a cover letter for that positon.

tres_cool ,

The advice I've gotten for cover letters: summarize how your accomplishments align with the most important requirements of the job description. It should be supported by the resume. You should match job description keywords as closely as you can without lying. Focus on measurable outcomes, in your CL and resume. Could be simple things like approximate number of customers helped per day. Best of luck!

rescue_toaster ,

To be harsh: if I read this cover letter, I would throw away this application, unless those named people are personal contacts and I could ask them about you.

  • The last two sentences of each paragraph say the same thing, and as someone else said, are weak.

  • Your very first sentence reads to me that you are looking for a jumping point to launch into other careers, and that you don't intend to stick around in this company you are applying to. No thanks.

  • "My aspiration is to make the most of my abilities while helping as many people as I can." This is one of those filler, vague statements that basically contains no useful information and only exists to lengthen your letter.

  • Details of your work experience should be in an attached resume. You could pick out one or two points and state how it will specifically benefit this company.

  • As mentioned above, don't include those names, unless they are known by the reader.

  • The info in the second paragraph is mostly fine, though condense it and try to be more specific about how your studies will improve their product. Something like... "My recent study of [specific field of psychology/sociology] has taught me that people react well to [specific about something that improves trust] and are more likely to trust an advertisement that [does this]."

The purpose of a cover letter is not to vaguely reiterate info in your resume. You want to connect with the reader and show them that you are interested in THEIR team/company. It seems like this is a marketing/advertising company. Be specific! Write your cover letter so that it only applies to this specific company. Point out one of their specific projects that you like and how your background/skills can create a similar/improved product. Research the company and say something about the company and how you think you would fit well on the team.

Follow the advice of givesomefucks and format it as a professional business letter. This should also include the company address at the top, as well as your contact/address at the top. Search for business letter templates.

givesomefucks ,

More like this:

Greetings,

My current experience is in sales and customer service, however I am interested in exploring other avenues and am open to new industries.

My current studies have included: business management, marketing, and accounting. However I believe to truly excel that is not enough and try to learn other fields in my own time. Specifically psychology and sociology as I believe that has an important crossover with marketing.

Attached is my resume if you have any questions please don't hesitate to reach out to me at: (email and phone).

Very respectfully,

@Daddyslittleslut

DaddysLittleSlut OP ,

Thank you!! Can I ask is it good to make it more formal or keep it similar to how you have it?

givesomefucks ,

That is business formal.

You're not writing an old timey letter which is how most think of when they think "formal". Now a days brevity is incredibly important, especially for this. Get the important shit out fast, think of it like the clickbait headline that makes you read an article.

Looking at it typed out tho, I'd drop the "current" out of the second paragraph, it's not good for it to line up like that. You could switch it to "academic" to differentiate from the self studies

DaddysLittleSlut OP ,

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/009ab9fa-61c1-4f8e-9233-080f312dda98.jpeg

Would you say this looks better?

givesomefucks ,

Still too long.

You can make it short and to the point hoping a human reads it. A person will never actually read that much, they'll just scan it. They're devoting the same amount of attention to each no matter how much you write, so zero filler is best.

Or you go long, to try and jam in many keywords as possible if you think it has an AI filter before it gets to a human, which is a thing that happens. And often no human will ever read the cover letter in that scenario.

I've known people that apply both ways to every spot. But there was also a guy that applied to where I work and got on the same interview list twice because he did it and they only noticed because the same phone number was on the list twice.

Like, you're talking about taking college courses in highschool (which is great!) but also means the types of jobs you're likely applying from wont have the AI filter, so you want the short and sweet version.

It's a numbers game. Apply to fucking everything and understand HR is going to have a mountain to sort thru for anything remotely decent these days. For a lot of spots they're just glancing at 100 applications and picking 10 for interviews for one spot. You want your cover letter distilled to just enough to get your resume looked at to make the cutoffs for interviews. You're trying to have the interview before they look at your resume.

Edit:

Also, for asking for help on editing/writing, it's best to copy/paste the text.

That way someone can highlight and quote parts, with a screenshot they have to type it out and that barrier to entry might dissuade someone from chiming in with advice.

DaddysLittleSlut OP ,

Sorry I’m not very used to asking for advice and feedback but I managed to shorten it by 500ish words

Dear Hiring Managers,

I am interested in the position you have open, and I am open to other opportunities as well within your business. I have experience in sales, customer service, and cleaning. I have completed Ivy Tech courses in business management, advertising/marketing, and accounting. I have also studied psychology, sociology, and developmental biology on my own. I have found that those studies help to build stronger customer relationships and create trustworthy advertisements.

Should you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me at …

givesomefucks ,

Yep, that's good.

DaddysLittleSlut OP ,

Thank you so much for your help. I’m sorry if I at all was difficult.

givesomefucks ,

Nah, you're fine. What have you have is better than most people.

DaddysLittleSlut OP ,

Yeah I put the main ideas then have an AI edit it.

peto ,

Both are based on the idea that someone is going to read your cover letter and form an opinion of you based on it.

I don't think you are going to get a lot of it unsolicited cover letters, and if you are applying for a specific position tailored is probably better than generic (assuming it gets read and they don't just feed your resume into a keyword hunting machine).

'Grateful for any position you think I would be suitable for.' is a rather weak ending. Might work for a church, probably not for a business. I don't think I've met a hiring manager who wanted to do anything as complex as seeing if they had a position to fit a candidate. Much easier to just post openings and let folk self select, then pick interview candidates via keyword search.

This might work better going to an agency, but honestly you should avoid agency work if you can at all help it. They largely just exist to cost more and pay employees less with less rights than you would have otherwise.

DaddysLittleSlut OP ,

Ahhh ok that makes sense. So don’t say grateful for any position. Also yeah an agency isn’t what I’m looking for.

poopsmith ,
@poopsmith@lemmy.world avatar

First paragraph is good. Second paragraph could be rephrased IMO.

DaddysLittleSlut OP ,

I’ll work on it thank you for the constructive feedback!

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