It's more to vent than anything! Though I have read the responses so far and I do want to understand how it works for others. Realistically, my questions and uncertainties are something that would take many conversations with a therapist for me to understand how to navigate so I don't expect to learn much aside from curiosity here. I think I would like to find a partner that I'm compatible with perhaps.. but I am not ready and may never be. The dynamics TERRIFY me. Absolutely TERRIFY me.