@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party cover
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

TheBreadmonkey

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Hi, I'm Ben.

I'm a heady mix of a serious responsible grown up man and a stupid man-baby idiot with delusions of grandeur.

I'm a big nerd, really into music, cooking, books, films and scifi. I hate/love running and generally love being outdoors.

🌱

He/Him

https://justmytoots.com/thebreadmonkey@beige.party

#nobot #noarchive #noindex #nobridge

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. For a complete list of posts, browse on the original instance.

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I'm absolutely certain Mel Brooks is reading my stupid little toots here down on Mastodon farm and I have to say to you, Mel, the 'Putting on the Ritz' scene in Young Frankenstein slays me.

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@otownKim

That's what I'm watching right now!

PixysJourney , to random
@PixysJourney@beige.party avatar

:bear_love: Ello sweet and lovely Friendos 💜

It's gym time again! 💪🏼

I got caught up with the notifications, thanks for keeping me busy while I enjoyed my protein drink 😉

I'm very glad that @MAJ1 move to the beige went well. 😁 Hopefully everyone will find the new home of da master Skwerl and follow him again.

Alright, best finish the protein and get to work!

Owwwww and I'll have some good news for the Fit account to share, but I'll give a little hint here... It's down again! 😉 Hihi...

Stay cool, stay amazing :ablobcatheart:

And remember to be kind to others but also to yourself!

:bear_nuzzle:

🧚🏼‍♀️ 🍀 💜 🐾

TheBreadmonkey ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@PixysJourney @MAJ1 @weirdfolks

Beaming you all the very best and hope you have an excellent session that leaves you feeling bouyant and refreshed and wise and powerful! Huzzah! 🤸

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I was TODAY years old when I realised (my wife pointed out) that Back to the Future is basically Cyrano de Bergerac!

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RolloTreadway

We went to see the James McAvoy version where they were all rappers, and I'm not sure that was in the original

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I have somehow managed to persuade my 17 year old to watch Back to the Future for the VERY FIRST TIME!

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RolloTreadway

Sorry

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Mayonnaise is such a weird concept. Here I've made an ovum, oil and aqueous acid emulsion for you to keep your sandwich ingredients nice and thick and slippery. I'm sorry, what?

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Evergreen

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Indeed

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Walking to the shops and just seen 2 young teenage girls walking down the road struggling with a stolen traffic cone and laughing their ARSES off. Having a great time. Not drunk - just being idiots. I cannot tell you how happy that's made me.

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

My name is Ben, and I came here to fren

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Gonna start making lentils cooler by shortening it to lents

Hey man, you want some lents?

Gettin' my lents on

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Interesting spin from the BBC here, blaming the economy on....... sky water rather than the current administration?

TheBreadmonkey OP , (edited )
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RolloTreadway

Anagram of his name is 'His UK Rains'

! YES! I AM THE KING OF WORDS!

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I kick it toot down, I put my toot down
I kick it toot down, I put my toot down
So how we gonna kick it? Gonna kick it toot down
Yeah, how you wanna kick it? Gonna kick it toot down
So how you gonna kick it? Gonna kick it toot down
Gonna break it on down, gonna kick it toot down

Oh my god that's the funky gif Beastie Boys dancing with a psychedelic forest background. They're in hats and rap clothes those kids wear these days. Tshirts and plaid shirts and the like.

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Just reading a news article that one of the singers from the Four Tops went to hospital with chest pains, then when he told them who he was (because he was worried about stalkers/fans and wanted to make sure security was OK) they assumed he was mentally unwell and popped him in a straightjacket and locked him up. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. They could literally just have looked it up. When it was discovered they offered him a $25 gift certificate to apologise but he's suing them (obviously).

Edit - I didn't mention, because I thought it was obviously implied, but realised after it might not be obvious - he's Black and seems unlikely this would have happened had he not been Black.

Edit2 - having said that, I do realise that if he was white and said he was a member of the Four Tops, they might have also not believed him.

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

What's the protocol here - when does it get weird when I'm going back through someone's timeline and boosting? Like if I've done like 20+ over the space of a couple of years, it sort of feels like that's getting into weird territory.

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@mentallyalex

Since discovering you can search specific people and a 'before' date, I'll occasionally go back through people's timelines who make me laugh. But I wonder if it's creepy or not.

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@ColesStreetPothole @mentallyalex

Search 'from:me (or full username of person) keyword'

Or search 'from:username before:2023-09-30'

But for some people it will only return interactions you've had with them.

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@ColesStreetPothole @mentallyalex

So if I do:

from:@mentallyalex before:2023-07-30

I get the attached. But it seems to be only posts I've previously interacted with? But not for everyone for some reason. Probably a setting somewhere.

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Tim Apple is am anagram of AI temppl

Really makes you think

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Humans are so poorly designed

What do you love?

I dunno - bread, pasta, cake, alcohol, smoking and drugs.

OK, we're going to make all those things just horrible for you.

Oh no.

What do you hate?

I dunno - cabbage, running, those weird green smoothies health people make you drink, work, having to interact with people.

OK - those are the things you have to do all of the time just to stay alive.

What?

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Bread should be illegal or at least a controlled substance. Prescribed bread.

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RolloTreadway

You'll just get an occasional call from the surgery to check you're not abusing the bread and only having the allotted 4-6 sandwiches a week. Me on the other hand - I'm upto 20 sandwiches a week. I'm an absolute fiend for a sandwich. Just going around my local community offering all sorts for a slice of that sweet sweet bread.

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma @RolloTreadway

Walter White from Breaking Bad. He's bald. He has a moustache. He's wearing a yellow cagoule. He's doing science!

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Who milks the milkmen

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RolloTreadway

Who dusts the dustbinmen?

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Bloody clickbait

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Oh no

TheBreadmonkey OP ,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RolloTreadway

Oh my god. Tears. I'm so stupid. I don't know why but this is my very favourite sort of silliness.

TheBreadmonkey , to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Just scoffing at a stupid website suggesting stupid Fathers Day presents. Wondering why it's some kind of universal joke that you must buy Father's rubbish presents that are literally no use whatsoever. But I've somewhat undermined my own point with some of these..... (a Sonic the Hedgehog pizza cutter, golf sword and a vibrator, you say?......)

Bacon egg and toast face mask on screaming man A fish hipflask Penguin slippers from Wallace and Gromit Fake poo to hide your keys A Square Enix Plush Doll Neck Pillow Morbol Seedling (Final Fantasy XIV) Italian hand gesture candles

Is it a massage machine for your back? No - it's almost certainly designed for your bum. But shown here being used by a hipster in the woods to massage his back. Burt and Ernie slippers (from Sesame Street - they're funny looking Muppets) Bacon scarf Ghillie camouflage suit (makes you look like a big load of weeds) Sonic the Hedgehog pizza cutter A golf club containing a hidden sword. I KNOW.
ALT
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    • Loukas , to random
    @Loukas@mastodon.nu avatar

    I'm such a bad anarchist. What alignment are you? https://www.idrlabs.com/moral-alignment/test.php

    TheBreadmonkey ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @Loukas

    Edit - should I be concerned about this?...

    Wondering if I should really be posting this online.

    (But I don't care and nothing matters anyway! Chaos reigns!)

    TheBreadmonkey ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @hannu_ikonen @Loukas

    I'm still a little worried about my results

    TheBreadmonkey , to random
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    There is an element of peril with Mastodon. A sink or swim culture. Only the strong survive. Survival of the most persistent. Or autistic. I've lost this metaphor. Basically I just saw someone 'arriving here' from another site to some fanfare from others and just thought to myself 'yeah, they won't make it - too normal'.

    TheBreadmonkey OP ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @RolloTreadway

    Sean Connery in The Rock. He's dressed like a sexy old burglar and is saying "Welcome to the Rock".

    TheBreadmonkey , to random
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    Art

    TheBreadmonkey , to random
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    Decided to make some nut ice-cream which I'm hoping will taste better than its name implies

    TheBreadmonkey , to random
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    Rees Mogg has been asked to do reality TV and Gove is going on Strictly

    TheBreadmonkey OP ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @RolloTreadway

    I am NOT aware of this

    TheBreadmonkey , to random
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    The internet is a confusing place. I was looking for news stories about Mr Blobby, then I somehow fell down an INSANE rabbit-hole so that when my wife came in and asked what I'm doing because I'm supposed to be getting ready, I said to her the following..................

    I'm trying to verify that the man who holds the record for inserting most creme eggs into his anus was eaten by a crocodile.

    I hate the internet.

    (It's 9!)

    TheBreadmonkey , to random
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    Just got redirected to Reddit - not something I usually look at (but was reading a 'news' article about a giant slug that came from there), and one of the stories is 'where's all the banana yoghurt gone'.

    Where has all the banana yoghurt gone? I haven't seen any in ages!

    TheBreadmonkey OP ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @scribblans

    I remember it fondly. I also recently made (for myself) bananas and cold custard and I must tell you it was a revelation. Absolutely stonking (do people still say stonking?).

    TheBreadmonkey , to random
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    Everyday things we take for granted that don't make any sense.... Why does my local ice cream van play the Popeye the Sailor Man song?

    TheBreadmonkey OP ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @RolloTreadway

    I don't know why, but this has really tickled me

    TheBreadmonkey OP ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @RolloTreadway

    I'm a fresh faced young ice creamer, starting out in the big city with my new van. Now all I have to do is choose a song that let's people know there's ice cream available in their area....
    https://youtu.be/HiDgXAORsMM

    TheBreadmonkey , to random
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    TIL 'rubbing the glass' as a term for phone scrolling, and I hate it

    TheBreadmonkey OP ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @mothninja @bomkatt @middleclasstool

    I do not know, nor do I wish to know what a goatse is. I'm vaguely aware of the term being something awful, but I don't know what. Please don't tell me.

    TheBreadmonkey OP ,
    @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

    @middleclasstool @mothninja @bomkatt

    Is goatse a star wars character? (please don't tell me)

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