I’m 43 but everyone at the workplace thinks I’m 25. Is this something I need to change?

I’m 43 years old but apparently I have a baby face, good hair for my age and everyone believes I’m in my mid 20s, even though I already have some gray hairs nobody seems to notice (so far).

I started the lie: first time I started my last job at a hospital immediately after my bachelor and told my new coworkers my real age (38 at the time) they started judging me: why are you not married, why don’t you have children, what have you done in the last 20 years.

The way these women asked was accusatory, like I’m a failure for being almost 40 and not having children or being single. At that moment I decided next time somebody at the workplace asks me for my age, to blatantly and shamelessly lie: I’m 25, leave me alone.

Since that bad experience I’ve worked at 2 other hospitals and my lie has always helped: patients and coworkers believe I’m 25 because as said I look like it, don’t pester me about children or marriage and while my current coworkers are gossips and need drama to live, they don’t push my buttons because I don’t give them any ammunition. It’s tolerable.

Note that I didn’t lie in my application and accounting and management at my workplace know very well my real age, but my coworkers and direct manager are oblivious to it: On my first day I just told them I’m 25 and they didn’t question it.

Now, I have the body of a 43 year old, meaning I don’t lift heavy patients like a 25 year old and sometimes I come home with back pain. I don’t know if I’d get better assignments if I’m sincere about my age (I’d like that, but is it realistic?). I just don’t want to get to 65 with a broken back. I don’t want drama either, just to work and go home.

I lie to protect myself.

If I need to change this, why and how?

catloaf ,

Before I answer any of these questions, are you autistic or otherwise neurodivergent in any way?

IMongoose ,

You could create a tragic backstory. Say the love of your life passed away unexpectedly and that's why you became a nurse. If only you knew then what you know now maybe you could have saved them.

xmunk , (edited )

Twenty five year olds can have bad backs and your HR department knows your real age if anyone questions it (and you could always retroactively claim you were joking on your first day and thought everyone was in on the obvious deception).

Assuming it isn't an inherent job duty, ask not to lift heavy things and if someone objects then get a note from your doctor.

Nosey people can get fucked - we all have the freedom to choose what parts of our private life we share with coworkers and what we don't so you have no obligation to disclose your age (outside of anything relevant to payroll/taxes/insurance enrollment).

There is no need to change anything. Just don't let yourself be pressured into work you're not capable of doing. And if anyone questions your marital status or what-not... They're an asshole and can get fucked.

Edit to add:

After some discussion in the other thread, I think it's pretty regrettable to outright lie about your age - if you change jobs again, I'd really suggest just refusing to answer and deflecting the question. Telling such a direct lie likely makes some of your coworkers uncomfortable.

Dagwood222 ,

Have you talked to a professional development specialist?

How about the local nursing association?

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • random
  • workreform@lemmy.world
  • test
  • worldmews
  • mews
  • All magazines
    •