The Monkey's Paw

DeprecatedCompatV2 , in I wish my dog could walk himself.

Granted, your dog leaves home and becomes a local celebrity for walking himself. He shares none of the fame and fortune with you, yet you're still on the hook for his housing and food expenses anyway.

teegus , in I wish my body to be in peak human shape no matter what I do

Sure, but you get chronically depressed

key OP ,

So I get what I want and nothing else changes? Perfect!

paddirn , in I wish my body to be in peak human shape no matter what I do

Done. The next day you’re hit by a bus. At your funeral, many people remark that you look extremely fit, despite being a corpse.

alcoholicorn , in I wish my body to be in peak human shape no matter what I do

You might not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like: alex-supplements

toiletobserver , in I wish my body to be in peak human shape no matter what I do

Congratulations! You have been crushed into a cone shape.

captnanonymous , in I wish my body to be in peak human shape no matter what I do

Perpetual altitude sickness.

Communist , in I wish my body to be in peak human shape no matter what I do
@Communist@lemmy.ml avatar

Peak human shape is obviously the largest shape, you will always be the worlds fattest man.

Please_Do_Not , in I wish my body to be in peak human shape no matter what I do

You are cryogenically frozen eternally when at your healthiest

Death_Equity , in I wish my dog could walk himself.

Granted. The dog is caught and put in the pound and you are fined $250. He also defended himself against a chihuahua and you are due in court next month for a trial that will decide if the dog is euthanized and the financial implications of the trauma and damages caused by your dog "mauling" an innocent dog 1/10th his size while he was irresponsibly let loose roaming the streets.

capt_wolf , in I wish my dog could walk himself.
@capt_wolf@lemmy.world avatar

Granted, dogs can now walk themselves... on two feet. Now bipedal, they quickly adapt and overthrow humanity. They decide to keep humans as pets. Your dog now takes you out for walks and grumbles about how much easier it would be if you could just walk yourself...

henfredemars OP ,

Not the worst outcome in the world! Definitely would be a shocker, but I feel like my dog loves me back and would take good care of me as a pet.

capt_wolf ,
@capt_wolf@lemmy.world avatar

Just be thankful you live in a country where we keep dogs as pets and don't eat them!

Jarix , in I wish for Linux to have a respectable marketshare of 20%

Okay grant me a budget of about USD10 million and give me 10 years to do my part.

The money can be given as needed and one hundred percent of that money will go to just paying salary of the gaming company i will start.

All employees will make 100k a year so i wont actually need the money upfront.

I will hire no more than 10 people unless i can pay them without using that grant money.

We will all make only 100k per year. No more no less, for 10 years.

I will Ill quit my job the day the grant is guaranteed and I will receive my first paycheque

Additionally i commit to this as my goal in life until i retire, and ide like to retire no sooner than 10 years

Retirement will be mandatory at age 65 unless we vote on a lower age which i will vote yes for at every vote.

I will also choose to allow any retirees to volunteer to work as much or as little as they are welcome to post retirement. But can never collect a salary from the grant

It will take at least 2 years to produce anything if im not mistaken.

Will this effort alone produce that 20%? possibly, and I will make it a goal of our specific contributions to always be helping advance that outcome,

Ill probably fail to hit 20%, but i promise it will be worth the attempt and that my contribution to that 20% goal will not be insignificant.

And if im even close to as capable as i think i am, this charity will at the very least change the lives of 10 people who need a better job and, in my opinion, deserve the opportunity

I dont promise perfection, but i do promise an honest attempt

Jarix ,

To get started we only need about CAD $5300

USD100000 equals approx CAD136990.58

CAD $5268.86

Chriszz ,

Is this a joke? Wdh you talking bout son

Jarix ,

Not a joke, but i dont expect anyone to take me up on it. Would be nice though. Would love to get started

Alice , in I wish for Linux to have a respectable marketshare of 20%
@Alice@hilariouschaos.com avatar

Granted, but everyone changes their mind about Linux and Windows becomes superior

atmur ,

and Windows FreeBSD becomes superior

DrunkDragon , (edited ) in I wish for Linux to have a respectable marketshare of 20%

Granted. Linux Monthly now has a 20% share of the computer related magazine market, both subscription and newsstand. While most readers report buying it for the in-depth Linux news, many suspect they’re actually buying it for the centerfold. Surveys indicate 93% of Linux Monthly don’t know what Linux is. I will let your imagination run wild about the subject of the centerfold.

Fubarberry OP ,
@Fubarberry@sopuli.xyz avatar

Richard Stallman stretched out nude on the beach, no doubt.

JungleJim , in I wish for Linux to have a respectable marketshare of 20%

Google forks Linux to make a mobile operating system, stripping out lots of familiar FOSS software and licensing requirements and replacing it with their own. Also it's written in java.

aBundleOfFerrets ,

What a miserable reality that would be

mojo_raisin ,

Also it’s written in java

Gag me with a spoon

actionjbone ,
@actionjbone@sh.itjust.works avatar

How unrealistic. That could never happen.

Sent from my Android device

jol , in I wish for Linux to have a respectable marketshare of 20%

Granted but it's all chrome os

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