I think I've given the misimpression that I immediately jump to blaming my partner for everything and telling them they're a bad person. I used to do that, but not so much anymore. How things typically go nowadays is that I explain that I'm having an irrational thought because of a traumatic memory, and try to guide them through what I need them to do for me to help me feel better. However, the more common response, instead of listening to me about what I need, is for people to tell me that I'm taking the wrong approach and that they have a better solution to alleviating my fears. This inevitably leads to me having an emotional snapping moment where their solution didn't work, my emotions spiraled out of control, and now I think they're evil. This is immediately followed by me breaking down crying, apologizing profusely, and feeling like the whole thing was my fault. What I need people to understand is that I know what works for me and I cannot compromise on that.
I suppose it's actually a little inaccurate to say nobody ever has a better solution, because my most recent ex actually was able to really easily keep me under control, simply by overloading me with being super nice every time I was about to have an outburst to the point where my brain would just short circuit and go "I couldn't possibly have been thinking anything bad about her, right? Because I can't see a single bad thing right now." We still, however, ended up breaking up due to an emotional outburst of mine, but that was a very rare case where everyone who witnessed it or heard the story said it was justified (she was the one who I accused of being a compulsive liar, but she had literally just tried to gaslight me into believing I had never once told her I was uncomfortable with some aggressive types of advances she made on me, even though I said it constantly, all the time, and repeatedly asked her to stop. The only issue was I accused her of lying about a lot more than she actually had lied about.)
Unfortunately, my mental health issues just straight up aren't going to go away. I can't do anything except eliminate the triggers that cause them, and that's what I want people to understand and help me do. I'm not expecting people to sit down and take my emotional blowups. I'm expecting them to work with me to prevent them in the first place. That's what this new friend is so good at. Because she listens to me about what I need, with the sole exception of if it crosses her boundaries, where she informs me so I can work around it and work with her to find a solution that she is capable of doing for me.
And it's not like people gain nothing from me. I'm told I'm exceptionally good at emotional support and giving good advice (which is largely because I have to do these things for myself all the time, and I'm exceptionally more fucked up than the average person I'm supporting.) I'm also the kind of person who doesn't feel the least bit bad if somebody can't be there for me all the time (in fact, I kinda appreciate it because it gives me plenty of chances to learn better control of my emotions without the need of somebody's help.)
But even with all that said, maybe I am still asking too much. Evidently most people still can't handle it, so at this point I probably have to admit it's not a normal thing to expect of somebody, even if to me it feels like the bare minimum.