JESYS FUCK IT'S BEEN 3 FUCKING DAYS AND IT FEELS LIKE IT'S BEEN 3 YEARS.
You might remember me posting a while ago about breaking up with my wife. That week does not even COMPARE to this week. I can't mention a lot of it without a lot of people getting very angry, but maybe being angry would be an improvement over how things are now.
Got drunk tonight because everyone thought the drama was over, and we wanted to wind down. Turns out no, it was not over, and we got smacked with all of it at once AND MORE while drunk and of course, dealt with it like drunk idiots and made it worse.
So now it's 6am. I haven't slept. I won't be sleeping. I feel like I'm gonna vomit. I gotta try not to make people angry tomorrow, people gotta try not to make me angry tomorrow. Nobody will succeed.
What sucks is there's a bunch of amazing stuff that happened tonight, too, but it was more than ruined by drunk idiots like me handling drama. Jesus I want it to be over so I can just appreciate all the good stuff that came out of this, but that's gonna take a lot longer than just this week.
EDIT: good news guys. I'm 36 minutes more sober and things already don't feel that bad anymore.
They were that bad, but now they don't feel like it.
Edit: It's the next day. It was surprisingly easy to smooth things over. Apparently the drunk stupidity ended up being a good thing somehow because it let everyone get everything out, zero filter, and now that everyone's sober we were able to properly address things and things are actually dramatically improving now.
The short version is there were still some complicated feelings left after my breakup, and somebody close to me came out as trans right in the middle of it, so balancing trying to support them and trying to manage those leftover feelings fucked me and everyone else up bad. Now, it seems though that those feelings are finally getting left in the past, and I can fully focus on supporting them.
There's was also a short drunken probably undiagnosed bpd induced, definitely alcohol induced episode where I accused said trans person of lying about being trans with zero evidence, but luckily they're an incredibly strong person and weren't even phased by it, knowing I was drunk and also mentally ill, and instead choosing to gush over how pretty I said they were and how I'd told them I was super happy to know they trusted me, when I was less drunk. I've spent a part of this morning apologizing profusely for my behavior when I got clearly far too many drinks in.