Since the days of IRC a lot of my dates and relationships either started on or crossed the digital realm. As young men, it was difficult to distinguish between sexual attraction and emotional connection. I ended up in a lot of weird relationships because of sex. I never counted the number of dates I had with someone before progressing things, I don't do that kind of thing The women I was with didn't count either. I guess we just go by what feels right. Maybe it takes a single day, maybe it takes a month. Whatever works.
How long does it take for you to know if you’re attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
Sexually attractive? Less than 5 seconds. Emotionally invested? Impossible to know, it varies tremendously.
What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you’ve been on or how well you know the person?
The first thing to do would be having sex plenty of times. And that's not just me pushing or anything, women love sex too (of course). A lot of times I would like to take things slow in that area, but it is difficult to resist. Other than that, I love cooking for them and watching TV shows. I guess I'm basic.
Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long-term or whether it’s not going to work out?
I never know if and how things will work out... how can anyone know? Sometimes I have emotional reasons to stick around, I'm charmed, infatuated, or in love... but I don't have a crystal ball!
Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
I have dated people I met on IRC, Tinder, and a whole slew of old-school or defunct platforms. Probably more people from the real world overall, but not by a huge margin.
I'm pretty good at approaching women, but I do it very rarely. Usually when I already know something about the person and know that it will probably pay off. So it is incredibly rare, but, because I am careful and have ways to check beforehand, my success rate is relatively high.
The way I approach this is through "sensible honesty", so women always know my intentions but I don't throw it at them at inappropriate times and circumstances. And I'm not pushy, I'll back away at any sign of resistance or rejection. And I give them lots of chances to reject me. So I'm super obvious and clear, but never forceful or inconvenient.
What’s most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
Physical attributes are where it begins, but I must note that what I consider attractive is not necessarily very mainstream. Starting because, since an early age, I appreciate plus-size women very much. Also, cuteness is way more important to me than conventional "hotness" -- because to me being cute is the same as being hot. When we started dating, my partner used to send me a bunch of nude pictures in stereotypical "I'm so hot" poses, a lot of cleavage, etc. That didn't do it for me. The day she sent a picture in a cute pajama... it drove me insane!
Is there something you don’t understand about dating and want to share your frustration?
Not really. Compared to other human activities, dating is fairly simple. There are clear rules and patterns you follow. It's kinda like a script with some improvisation in between. Most of my socialization troubles happen in highly informal, spontaneous, "unscripted" situations. Dating is not like that. It's a narrative -- it can get complicated, but it still has a beginning, a middle, and an end.