Mark, twenty-six, is shirtless in the photo with a blue-and-white-striped towel swung over one shoulder and a monkey perched on the other. The monkey has the shriveled face of an old man, and its toothy mouth is cracked open like it's laughing, like Mark has told it the funniest joke ever, but its deft little humanlike hand is reaching out for Mark's ear like it wants to grab the ear or tear it off. Mark has no idea. He just stares into the camera grinning like a fool, the tropical sun bouncing off his perfectly capped teeth.
Every time I see one of these on Tinder my stomach churns. The idea of letting something as vile as a monkey get that close to your face is...unsavory. After all, monkeys and humans share 96 percent of the same genetic code and seeing that similarity in action is just plain uncanny. Animal behaviorists study groups of chimpanzees for insights into our own power structures and while these animals do participate in complex communities with rituals and hierarchies, they also possess a rabid barbarism. I once heard a story where a chimp ate an organ out of another smaller monkey, without killing the poor thing first-presumably because the tidbit tasted better fresh. Either that, or the bloodlust was the attraction, and well: Is that the 96 percent in action or the 4 percent? Who knows? So Mark advertising his skill with a wild primate really strikes me as the wrong message to send to potential mates.