Tattletale Times

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“Big Trophy” Receives Huge Win in the Push to Sell Participation Trophies ( lemmy.world )

In a remarkable victory for the shadowy cabal of trophy manufacturers known as “Big Trophy,” an alleged child psychologist with questionable credentials has emerged in support of the practice of awarding participation trophies to all youth sports athletes, irrespective of their performance....

Where the Hell are Ryder’s From Paw Patrol's Parents? ( tattletaletimes.com )

Ryder, the local young leader of the Paw Patrol, has long been a fixture in Adventure Bay. He is often seen gallivanting around town with his high-tech ATVs or overseeing operations in his pup-filled command center. However, recent concerns about his upbringing have left many locals bewildered and wondering where the hell are...

Local Child Fails to Grasp “Yes, and” Improv Principle, Bores Playmates ( lemmy.world )

In a stunning display of comedic ineptitude, a local child has been found to be exceptionally bad at improv during his playtime with friends. The seven year old child, whose name has been withheld to protect his identity, has been reported to consistently fail at the fundamental concept of “yes, and,” leaving his playmates...

Simon Says He’s Had Enough! Local Boy Considers Name Change to Rover to Avoid Teasing ( www.tattletaletimes.com )

Ten-year-old Simon Sess, unfortunately named after a classic children’s game, expressed his deep hatred for his name. Due to the relentless teasing centered around “Simon Says,” the child is now considering changing his name to something cool that can’t be teased like Rover or Chase....

Surgeons Testing Procedure to Increase Dinner Stomach, Shrink Snack Stomach in Children ( www.tattletaletimes.com )

In a stunning development that is set to revolutionize the way we feed our little ones, a group of surgeons has announced a new surgical procedure capable of increasing the size of a toddler’s dinner stomach while significantly reducing their snack stomach. This groundbreaking medical advancement, known as “Gastric Exchange...

Joe Rogan Experience Podcast Features First Child Guest Alec Jones ( tattletaletimes.com )

The ever-unpredictable Joe Rogan Experience shattered another mold this week, welcoming its youngest guest ever: 9-year-old Alec Jones, a fourth grader from Austin, Texas. The episode, which aired yesterday, left audiences both amused and bewildered as Rogan delved into topics including ancient archeology, memories of the Comedy...

Government Declares National Daycare Closure Day – New Holiday to “Screw Over Parents” ( lemmy.world )

In a surprising and controversial move, the government has introduced a new national holiday that has left parents in a frenzy and employers infuriated. The holiday, officially known as “National Daycare Closure Day,” has caused frustration among working parents across the country. This day is chosen randomly each year,...

Jerry Manders, 5-Year-Old Prodigy Liar, Already Hailed as Future Political Star ( www.tattletaletimes.com )

There’s a up-and-coming political star that is making waves on the local level, 5-year-old Jerry Manders from Chicago, Illinois, has been identified as a lying prodigy with a skill set so advanced that he is already being hailed as a future star in American politics.

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