I hear you and I 100% understand. Kids are not easy. And when you're not financially ready, they're almost impossible. Don't listen to that bullshit "you're never ready" or "you're ready when they're here" blah blah. They're fucking hard and if you don't have the money, don't have them. It'd only get 10 folds worse for you. I went through all of that myself. It wasn't fun at all. I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy.